这个是我特别喜欢的一段托马斯老师跟一个同学的对话，同学问的问题很简单，怎么样才能去认识新的伴侣。
托马斯很深刻的回答了（同时也完全没有回答）这个问题。
这个老师有一种很幽静和具有“空间感”的品质，推荐大家带上质量好的耳机，在听的过程中，打开身体的感受，让它和托马斯的声音共振。
（文字音频）
T：I want you with me the same as you ask for my attention to listen to you. I want that you tell it to me. When I approach you, when I come closer with my energy to your energy, I have the feeling that part of you is leaving, you’re not staying here. So your body is still here, and you’re still looking at me, but when I really come closer as a man to meet this woman, one part of you is like a bit of a ghost leaving your body. You’re not anymore here with your full sensitivity, full connection, with your full feeling, to me meet me.”
T：就像你希望我在倾听你的时候把注意力放在你身上一样，我也希望你把刚才的话“对着我说”。因为当我用我的能量靠近你的能量时，我能感觉到你的一部分离开了，你没有完全留在这里。你的人还在这里，你也在注视着我，但是我作为一个男性，要真正“遇见” 你这位女性，你的一部分，像是魂魄飘离了你的身体。你已经不是用你全部的连接，情感和敏感度来与我相遇。
“And I think if you want to get stronger in your resting here in life, then we need to find a way that you first become aware that a part of you is a bit out of your body: that you’re not fully in your body. And when you first come back, you will be feeling fear, and then maybe you will feel a kind of tightness that you’re living in that your power cannot fully flow out. So now we do need to find a way to create a space between us, where all of this stuff can happen in a more present way, then it will transform into power.
我觉得如果你想要在这个生命中更“安住”，更稳定和有力量，那么我们要一起找到方法。首先你要觉察到刚才你的某个部分，离开了：也就是意识到你的“神”不是完全住在身体里的。然后你第一次完全回来时，你会感受到恐惧，然后也许有点紧缩感，在这种紧缩里，你的力量没有办法流动。到了这步我们就需要找到一个方法，在我们之间建立一个空间，来承载刚才这一切，这个空间是带着“临在”的。这样，刚才的经历才会转化为“力量”。
Your fear needs to be part of “us”, because in the moment we meet, we are also “us”. So when I meet you, for me it’s very relevant what is happening within you as well, because this is part of us. So the fear needs to have a very open space that we call us. And the fear needs to be there, you need to be seen with this fear, and you need to see that aggression caused a lot of fear also in your upbringing and that you didn’t know how to deal with this fear, and that you would rather leave your body rather than to deal with the intensity of this aggression. And now, my invitation is that you come to me with this fear, and we can learn that we can meet even if there is a terror, even if there is a very strong frightened feeling. You’re still meeting me.”
你的恐惧，需要被“我们”这个容器去容纳，因为“相遇”的那一刻，“我们”这个空间已经产生。所以我“遇见”你时，你的内在发生着什么和我息息相关，因为它属于“我们”。恐惧在“我们”这个关系里，需要有足够的敞开的空间。恐惧是允许存在在这个空间里的，你需要被如其所示的看到，你还需要看到为什么你不得不离开自己的身体。你的成长过程中遭受到了暴力或者攻击，由此产生的恐惧你不知道如何处理，所以你宁愿离开你的身体也没办法面对这些攻击能量的强烈度。 而现在，我邀请你，来与我“相遇“，带着你的恐惧，让我们学会：即使你这么害怕，你的恐惧很强烈，我们还是可以完全的”相遇“，你还是遇见了我。
I always find it very helpful if we start going into deeper places of ourselves that we don’t visit so often, that we start acknowledging every step. So the first step is: “for me, it resonates a lot when I feel you, I also feel like a tension in you.” Then you say “OK, I feel tense” and then you acknowledge feeling tense, and this means “yes” to the current situation. Then you will relax into feeling tense; there is nothing good about it, and nothing bad about it. This is what it is. Yeah. And you allow this. This is who we are in this moment. This is our common reality. And if I really meet you, then I will meet you also and I will be able to feel the tension within your body, and I will be able to stay with you feeling tense. This creates an intimacy. And why I go into this like this is because in every relationship dynamic, we will face this again and again and again. And we need to be able to go with all these subtle movements. If we want to have real intimacy or real sexual connection, then these are the real basics, the real basic tools of meeting in a very intimate way. We need to go through all these levels where we avoid each other to come to a place where we really meet each other. So in this moment now when we are sitting here, we will totally acknowledge that a part of you is feeling tense, and I think it is good that we give it a space. We allow it, we explore it, we don’t try to have it different, we just say “yeah”.
我发现如果我们要探索自己内在比较深的，不经常去触碰的地方，有个办法很有帮助，那就是每走一步我都有一个“承认“的步骤。
第一步，就像刚才，我能感受到你内在有些紧缩，这时候你说：好，我有些紧缩，我承认这个紧缩，这个意味着对目前的情况说“是“。 然后你放松的去感受你的紧缩，没什么好的，也没什么不好。 是什么样就是什么样。嗯，然后你允许这个的发生。 我们此刻就是这样的。这个就是我们俩此刻空间里的实相。如果我真的”遇见“了你，那么我自然会遇到/也会感受到此刻你身体里的紧缩，然后我也会有能力待在那里，与你的紧缩共处。这种过程才能产生”亲密“。 我为什么要探讨这个过程呢，因为在每一段亲密关系里面，这类的时刻会一次又一次的浮现，我们需要觉察和跟随着这些精微的流动。如果伴侣想要有真正的亲密关系，真正的的性的连接，这些能力和工具是最基础的”遇见“。我们需要一层一层的往下深挖，找出我们是如何”回避“对方的，直到我们来到一个真正”相遇“的空间。那么现在在此刻，我们坐在这里，我们一起完完全全全的承认你的紧缩，我们给它存在的空间，我们允许它，探索它，不想把它变成其他的样子，我们只是说”好的，是的“。
By you having a space to feel tense in a connection you will see that first of all it is not wrong, second that there is a higher tendency to feel which kind of feelings you need to shut down right now when we meet by being tense. So in this tension, there are some feelings. Don’t try to go away into the future or the past: just stay with me. Because the intimacy of our meeting is only here. This is what we have. This is the reality. And we acknowledge this feeling here. Because as it seems to me when I meet you as a man at the moment and I come closer to this woman, is that a part of this woman sitting here learned to shut down her system and learned to go a bit out of her body to not fully experience the intensity. And maybe this intensity was very scary for some time, and you learn this is as a mechanism. And when you say your desire is to meet a man again, then I think it will be good that you become aware of this and that you come back again, going through all these feelings in there.
你的紧缩在我们连接的空间中有一席之地，可以让你看到：首先，紧缩不是错误，没有什么问题。第二你这时候更有能力去感受一下，紧缩起来是为了不去感受紧缩背后的哪些情绪？在这个紧缩里面，封存着一些情绪。 嗯现在不要跳到过去或者未来，请和我留在这里。因为我们相遇的亲密只是在此刻，我们只有此刻这个东西，这有这个是真实的。我们承认这里有紧缩。因为我发现此时此刻，我作为一个男人与你这个女人遇见的时候， 我看到这个坐在这里的女人，曾经需要学会关闭自己的系统，离开身体，以便于不去完全感受当下体验的强烈。也许这种强烈的体验带来的恐怖感曾经在你生命中持续了一段时间，所以你学会了这个防御机制。 所以你在提问的时候说，想要认识新的男性（去约会），我觉得你需要关注到我们刚才讨论的点，然后一次又一次的回来，去经历那些强烈的感受，所有封存在那里面的体验。
And what you tell me between the lines energetically is “no, no, no, no. Be careful with me. Be tender with me. Don’t hurt me. Be very careful, I am very fragile. I cannot handle this noise. I cannot handle this fear. I cannot handle this aggression, this intensity. I am very, very scared.” And I respect this. I respect that is this what you tell me without words. And the tension that you feel in your body saying “no, no, no, no. You are too scary for me, go away. I cannot let you come closer. It is very painful if I allow this to be closer.” This needs to be respected. And many bodies say many things between the lines. And this is the important message that we need to get.
能量上，你向我传达的是： 不，不，不，不。小心点。对我温柔一点。不要伤害我。小心点，我很脆弱。我受不了这种噪音。我无法控制这种恐惧。我无法应付这种攻击性。我非常非常害怕。我尊重这一点。这是你无声的表达。我也尊重你身体里那种说“不，不，不，不”的紧张感。你在说：你太吓人了，走开。我不能让你靠近。如果你更近的话，我会非常痛苦。 这些需要得到尊重。许多人在字里行间说了许多话。这些语言缝隙之间的信息很重要，我们需要接收到。
Because if I don’t see this in you, I will approach you, going on top of it. And you will go out of your body, and you will not be fully here meeting me. If I respect this, then the chances are much higher that you will find trust in me, that I really hear what you are saying, because you were not able to speak it; you only say it quietly. But this is very important, otherwise you always need to leave you body when I as a man come closer. Because some people need to say the truth only quietly, between the words. Because they have had no place to say the truth, so it comes differently. So I think also in an intimate relationship, we need to be able to hear the exact truth of the moment, not the symptoms. The ones in between the lines, like now. Because I think if I respect, as a man, meeting you as a woman, this truth, some trust will come, in time. And this is what will open your body as a woman again to a man. That you make the experience, that you will be seen in what you really feel deeply inside. And we will not override it; we will give you the space to be it, and even if this means that you need to sit over there and I need to sit over here four meters away to not be a danger, we acknowledge this, that this is the space that you need at the moment. And then I think you will be able to relax into our meeting more and more and more.
因为如果我在你身上看不到这些，我就会靠近你，无视那些需求。你反之就会离开你的身体，不能完完全全的在这里与我相遇。但是如果我尊重你无声的信息， 那么你对我的信任可能更多，信任我真正的能听到你内心的声音。因为那些讯息你不会真正的用语言表达， 你只能无声地去诉说。但这些信息这是非常重要的，否则我作为一个男性接近你时，你总是需要离开你的身体 。因为有些人只能无声的说出自己的心声，在语言的缝隙中说 。因为他们的真话无处所说，所以他们要表达内心的时候是去用其他的方式呈现的。 所以我认为在亲密关系中，需要能够听到当下准确的真相，不只是听表面症状。比如此刻，如果我作为一个男性能够尊重你作为一个女人的内在的真相，慢慢的信任会被建立起来。这种信任才能让你作为女人的身体再次向男性敞开。你需要创造这种你的内在真相在关系中真正的感受被看到的体验，我们不去忽视它，践踏它，我们给它空间， 即使这意味着你需要坐在那边而我需要坐在四米开外的地方你才有安全感， 这就是你现在需要的空间。在这个之后，你才能越来越放松地“相遇”。
Because often when people meet my feeling is that often in sexual contact, one or the other partner is not fully here. And we need to learn to live a sexual relationship by being totally aware if we ourselves are present, and to also feel if our partner is present. And if it is not, we also need to share it, because something that is not allowed and therefore we go un present. So we need to come back and allow all the feelings, and then we open to a deeper level of intimacy. And then it can happen again that we encounter something else, so if I don’t allow our shame, then we will go out of our body in the sexual meeting, and we will still be bodily here, but energetically we will not be here. This is a very sublte thing that needs a practice, but this practice will transcend in time all our separation we really meet as one lover. That we meet deeply, as the space that we deeply are, that includes the two bodies that are making love.
我发现往往人们在性上面“相遇”的时候，其中一方或双方不是完全在那个当下的。我们需要去学习通过完全觉察自己是否有临在的存在一段亲密关系中，同时也要学会感受我们的伴侣是否临在当下 。如果答案是否定的，我们也需要沟通这种不临在，因为只有当下有些事情不被允许，我们才会离开，或者说不再临在。所以我们需要回来，允许所有的感觉，然后我们可以打开一个更深层次的亲密。
不临在可能再次发生，我们会遇到其他议题，比如，如果我不允许我们的羞耻感，那么我们会在性的相遇中离开我们的身体，我们身体在那里，能量上已经不再了。这是一件需要练习的非常精微的事情，但这种练习最终会超越我们的分离感，我们最终会在一个地方相遇，那个地方不是两个爱人，而是合一的一个爱人。 它存在那深刻的，我们临在的空间，同时包含了两个正在做爱的身体。
If we look into the Tantric traditions, this unified experience is nothing else than the deepest place in you and the deepest place in me become one space including all the two universes that are merging into one space, and then we are one lover. This is what the essence of marriage is basically.
如果我们观察覃崔的传统，这个统一的体验只不过是你最深的地方和我最深的地方融合成为一个空间，包括所有两个宇宙合并在一起，两个人变成一个爱人 。这就是婚姻的本质。
So as a child, even if there was a lot of aggression towards you, you had no choice but to leave your body. Because it was too intense to you. You said: “I cannot handle this pain anymore; I will go away.” And this was also a creative choice. Because this is how you learned to cope with the situation. Parents need to be aware of the fact that they have a prisoner. This child cannot go somewhere else so easily. He(the child) needs to be with you neurosis in a way. Because you’re (the child) in this set of constellation, and this is what you are dealing with all the time. But now if you want to meet a man very intimately, this choice doesn’t support you, because this choice is happening moment to moment again. If you have made fundamental childhood choices, it’s not something that happened many years ago: it’s happening every moment again and again and again and again… So this so-called “past” is very present in the now because it colors the now. This childhood decision is something that happens right now between us. Because as we feel each other now, one part of you is not fully able to rest in this meeting, and this causes tension in the body.
所以当你还是孩子的时候，即使面对很多暴力，你也别无选择，你只能离开你的身体。因为被攻击的体验太强烈了。你说: “我再也不能忍受这种痛苦了; 我还是离开吧”。
“离开”也是一个创造性的选择。因为离开是你学到的最好的处理方式。 父母需要意识到一个事实，孩子是他们的囚徒 ，他们无法离开父母而存活。 在某种程度上，你的孩子别无选择地要面对有着神经官能症的父母，孩子出生在这个家庭，就每时每刻都在面对这些（每时每刻需要离开）。但是现在，如果你想和一个男人真正“亲密”的相遇，“离开身体”这个习惯就无法帮到你了。因为这是一个每时每刻重新在做的决定（离开还是安住身体）。
如果你已经做出了基本的童年选择，这个选择就不是很多年前的事了: 它每时每刻都在发生，一遍又一遍，一遍又一遍……所以所谓的“过去”是当下发生的，浸染了当下。那个童年的决定此刻就发生在我们之间。因为当我们现在感觉彼此的时候，你的一部分不能完全的安住在我们的“相遇”空间，这种无法安住导致身体上面的紧缩。
I think that if two people in a relationship really decide to go on this journey, to use the relationship as an awakening tool, then we will encounter a lot of this [type of situation], but a lot of healing will happen. Like now, what we started now, if we go more deeply into this because this is what we need to practice together. And I think if I would continue with you, I would just give a space to to the fact you say “I’m very fragile. I’m very afraid. I cannot handle this intensity. I cannot handle fully that you come closer to me, it scares me, and I need to shut down my feeling in order to meet you.” And this level where you say “no, go away”, this need to be more in your conscious awareness. And if you give space to this and if you learn to feel this, you will see that your energy will come back more to inhabit your experience here. And this is the first gate: the only thing that you feel is that your body feels tense. And when I tune in with this energy it tells me that your body says “go away, you’re a danger.” And not me personally; this is what your experience makes out of the meeting with men. It’s not about the personal.
我认为，如果一段关系中的两个人真的决定踏上这段（修行）的旅程，把这段关系当作一种觉醒的工具，那么我们会遇到很多这样的情况，而这些情况也可能带来很多的疗愈。 就像现在，我们刚才开启的一个过程，如果我们更深入地去探究，是需要一起练习的。
如果我们更深入，我会再给你一些空间，让你表达出来的内容在关系中，有一席之地。那些内容不是用言语表达的：“我很脆弱，我很害怕。我无法承受这种强度。我无法完全接受你靠近我，这让我害怕，跟你互动，我需要关闭我的感情。”
而你需要在内心升起这些话的层面，给到更多的觉知和照见。 如果你给它空间，如果你学会去感受它，你会看到你的能量更多地回到当下来，你的神会注入你此刻的体验中。
这是第一扇门: 你唯一感觉到的就是你的身体的紧张。当我调频接受到你这种能量，它告诉我你的身体说“走开，你很危险。” 这个不是针对我个人的，这就是你和任何男性“遇见”的体验。
Therefore, I often say that many people take the reflections of other people too personal. And then we are caught in personal stuff around these things. And sometimes we take it too personal because we don’t see the other person, really. And then we think it’s about *us*, and then we collapse into our own stuff instead of staying present and really seeing where it comes from, because often it has nothing to do with the people that we meet: it’s our past talking through us. But if you see this we will not contract from each other, we will be able to meet even deeper.
因此，我经常说，许多人把别人的反应太往心里去了，然后陷入自己的还未解决的议题之中。我们之所以这么容易往心里去，是因为我们看不到真实的对方。然后我们认为那些东西是针对“我”的，然后陷入到自己的东西里，而不是停留在当下，真正看到它从何而来。因为我们的反应往往与我们面前的人无关: 那是我们的“过去”在通过我们说话。但如果你看到这一点，我们就不会面对彼此的时候往回缩，我们就能够更深入地遇见彼此。”
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