【哈佛积极心理学笔记】第16课 享受过程

第16课 享受过程

two model:

1. the shema of the perfectionist, a straight line from point A from point B
2. the person committed to excellence, a much more meandering spiral kind-of journey
   difference:
   the person who is on the excellence side, may be as ambitious, may have the same goals, may reach the same goals. However that person also enjoys the journey.
   So It’s not about losing our ambition. It’s not about not being competitive. If that is what makes you happy. It is simply learning to also enjoy the process, the step on the way to a destination that you deem valuable that is important to you.

vivissitudes 兴衰变迁 caricature 形象 malleability 可塑性 neuroplasitcity 神经可塑性

How do we overcome this perfectionism. How do we overcome this living in the future, being afraid of the present because what if I fail?

a few methods:

1. being aware of it. being aware of what I want to change or what I want to maintain.
   perfectionism: an incapacitating fear of failure
   I can still be as ambitious and not give up my success, and yet enjoy the process-that’s a better understanding
2. Dweck’s notion of rewarding effort
   the fix veruss the malleable mind set
   focus on the journey, on the effort, as opposed to the outcomes, opposed to the intelligence, was able to change their mind set.
   So in ourselves we can focus on a reward on our effort, on our process, whether it’s failure or success.
3. active acceptance.
   It will always be part of us
4. Accept it and change it.
   change it by introducing behavior: open to critism
5. act in our internal simulator
   Meditation puts us in a state of mind of calm, of acceptance, a state of being, as opposed to state of doing. And when we are in a state of being, we are here and now, we are enjoy the process as opposed to constantly thinking about the destination and what will happen if I don’t get to that destination.

perfectionism = paralysis, Winston Churchill
Samuel Coleridge:
Well, at the end of my life, I will write my magnum opus. Until then, everything is rough draft.

So end goal can often be liberating, the Platimum Rule.
“Do not do unto others what you would not have done unto yourself” Or “do unto other what you would unto yourself.” the Golden Rule.
The foundation of most moral systems, most religious today.
The platinum rule is taking the golden rule and switching it around.
“how can you have compassion for others when you don’t have compassion for yourself”
Accepting failure in the same way that we accepted in others, in people we love.

how to help a friend of perfectionism:

1. leading by example
2. tell stories about it
   The difference between sharing and telling:
   sharing, both of us get; telling is one way street
3. rewarding effort. rewarding the journey.

3Ms: Magnifying. Minimizing. Making-up, inventing.
alternative
3Ps:

1. permission to be human
   there is nothing I can do about what had just happened. what can change is perhaps my interpretation of what had happened.

2. reframing, interpreting the situation as Positive.
   passing. distraction
   it’s sometimes detrimental to stay and analyze every single emotion, feeling, thought that comes up.
   Ruminating in and out of itself does not always help. Sometimes the best thing to do is when negative thought or feeling comes up, is to distract ourselves from it by.
   It’s just saying that if there is a recurrent thought or feeling, and I’m experiencing a Sisyphean battle against it. Sometimes it is better, more helpful to just move on.\

3. taking perspective
   is asking a simple question: is this going to matter in a year? in a large schema of things, does it really matter.
   does anything matter
   psychological maturity is about the ability to willingly shift prespective.

4. Permission to be human-acceptance

5. Foucusing on the postive-benefit finding.

6. The ability to shift perspective

inoculation 一劳永逸

The wonder drug:

1. 30 minutes of physical exercise, 4 times a week
2. at least 15 minutes of mindful exercise 6 or 7 times a week
3. 8 hours of sleep more or less pre 24 hours
4. 12 hugs a day

connection between mind and body
a placebo effect 安慰剂效应 - staggering 惊人的 mediterranean 内陆国家 siesta 午休 sedentary 坐着的
How can we use that mind and body to help each other to lanuch a virtuous cycle between the two, while the mind helps body and body helps mind?

1. phsycial exercise
   More and more people today have the “luxury” of not having to physically work hard.
   It’s one of the mainfestations of the under-privilege of privilege.
   we pay a price in a physical level as well as psychological level

exerting 发挥 protein 蛋白质 carbohydrates 碳水化合物

exercise is not a luxury, it’s a need.
And when we frustrate a need, whether it’s a need for vitamins, whether it’s a need for protein or a need for exercise, we pay a price, both physical price as well as psychological price.

Exercise and Modernity

• Reduction of physical work
• Rising levels of mental illness
• The need for exercise

Michael Babyak’s studys:
156 patients with major depression
insomnia 失眠 listlessness 无精打采 moderate 中等难度的 aerobic 有氧的 clincher 关键 relapse 复发率
Zoloft(左洛复), an SSRI, the second most popular, commin antidepressant after Prozac(百忧解)
Dysthymia(精神抑郁症) is usually longer lasting, but less acute form of depression(抑郁症). So it’s deep feeling of exercise. Also exercise help this.
It’s not that exercising is like taking an antidepressant, it’s rather that not exercising is like taking a depressant.

No.1 priority either to make it a prerequisite for being treated or to make it a top priority.
Nature to be commanded must be obeyed. One of the dictates of nature is that we need to be physically active.

If we have a regular exercise regime. So both state as well as trait self-esteem is increased.

schizophrenia 精神分裂症 panacea 万灵药(fix-all)

People who exercise more regularly have more and better sex

Remember not everyone benefits from exercise. There are some people for whom medication is absolutely the right thing and it’s important. In most situations, exercise can help.

Nature to be commanded must be obeyed.
Recovery is very important.

staleness 泄气

There can be too much of good thing.
It does not mean that more is always better, when it comes to exercise. Sometimes the symptoms of undertraining

beyond the slight discomfort of exercise which is natural, stop. Or on the side of too little rather than too much.
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Recovery is very important.
the important of tapering, the important of taking time off, the important of recovery.
There can be too much of good thing.

What are some of the barriers that we need to overcome in order to introduce exercise regularly into our lives?

1. It is painful
   divide and conquer
   Exercise = pain
   Our mind does not like pain. And it tries to avoid pain.
   build it up gradually.
   earn the side of doing too little rather than too much.
2. things distract
3. social support