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Principal Vagina here don't let the name fool you. | 我是阴道校长 别被我的名字骗了 |
I'm very much in charge reminding you | 我在此提醒你们 |
that tonight is our annual flu season dance. | 今晚是我们的年度流感舞会 |
I don't know how many times I have to say this, | 我不知道这句话还要说几遍 |
but if you have the flu, stay home. | 得了流感的同学请待在家里 |
Hey. | 嗨 |
The flu season dance is about awareness, not celebration. | 举办流感舞会是为了提高防范意识 不是为了庆祝 |
you don't bring dead babies to passover. | 不会有人带着死掉的婴儿过逾越节 |
okay. Here we go. | 好吧 加油 |
H-hey, Jessica. Uh... | 嗨 Jessica |
What's up, Morty? | 怎么了 Morty |
what are you doing? | 你想干嘛 |
um... | 呃 |
Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her? | 慢着 你不会是打算和她说话吧 |
well... I mean, I was thinking about it. | 我是想来着 |
Dude, stay in your league. | 哥们儿 别瞎想了 |
Look at how hot she is. | 瞧她多美 |
You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district | 你也没见我跑到更有钱的片区里更大的学校 |
and hitting on their prettiest girl. | 去泡那儿最漂亮的妹子吧 |
Gee, thanks, Brad. | 噢 谢谢 Brad |
I throw balls far. | 这些傻屌别想靠近你 |
You want good words? Date a languager. | 想听好听的 去谈个话家啊(并没有languaer这个词) |
try not to worry about it, Morty. | 别多想 Morty |
You're a good kid, and there's not a premium on that right now, | 你是个好孩子 虽然现在还没有什么优势 |
but you'll be getting girls sometime after Brad's out of shape. | 但等Brad发福以后 你就也能找到妹子啦 |
You're missing the point, dad. | 爸 你搞错重点了 |
I don't want girls. I want Jessica. | 我不要妹子 我要Jessica |
ah, well, I remember feeling that way about | 我以前也对某个人有过这样的感觉呢 |
a young lady named "Your mom," | 这个人叫做"你妈" |
And that's not an urban diss. | 这不是在骂人啊 |
Your mom was my Jessica. | 你妈妈就是我的Jessica |
I remember the first time I saw her. I thought | 我还记得我第一次看到她的时候 我就在想 |
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"I should get her pregnant, and then she'll have to marry me." | "把她搞怀孕 她就得嫁给我了" |
I beg your pardon, Rick inappropriate. | Rick 你这话不太合适吧 |
Sorry, please proceed with your story | 抱歉 请接着讲 |
about banging my daughter in high school. | 你高中时候搞我女儿的事迹吧 |
I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty. | 感情方面的事儿你最好别听他的 Morty |
His marriage is hanging from a thread. | 他的婚姻已经悬于一线了 |
My marriage is fine, thank you. | 我的婚姻好的很 谢谢你啊 |
Jerry, it's your house | Jerry 这儿是你家 |
whatever you say it is is how it is | 你说是什么就是什么吧 |
but I think a blind man could see that | 但我觉得瞎子都能看出来 |
Beth is looking for the door. | Beth想结束这段婚姻 |
I barely have a reason to care, and even I noticed. | 这事儿我根本不在乎 也都发现了 |
Come on, Rick! Don't talk about my parents like that. | Rick 别这样说我的父母啊 |
Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, | 听着 Morty 我也不想这么直白地告诉你 |
but what people call "Love" | 但所谓的爱情 |
Is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. | 不过是让动物繁衍后代的化学反应罢了 |
It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, | 开始时让人头昏脑热 然后就慢慢消退 |
leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. | 只留给你一段失败的婚姻 |
I did it. | 我是这样 |
Your parents are gonna do it. | 你父母也会是这样 |
Break the cycle, Morty. | 别重蹈覆辙 Morty |
Rise above. Focus on science. | 升华自我 专注科学 |
All right, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance. | 好吧 我去换舞会的衣服了 |
Yeah, I'm just going to... check on your mom. | 我去 看看你妈妈 |
Morty, hand me that screwdriver, huh? | Morty 把螺丝刀递给我 |
I'm almost finished making my ionic defibulizer, Morty. | 我的离子除颤器就要完成了 |
It's gonna be great. | 会很棒的 |
Hey, listen, Rick. | 那个 Rick |
Y-y-you know how you said that, | 你之前不是说 |
you know, love is a chemical and all that stuff from earlier? | 爱情是一种化学反应什么的嘛 |
Well, I was thinking, you know, | 我在想 |
w-w could you make some sort of chemical thing | 你能不能让Jessica的脑子里 |
happen inside of Jessica's mind, you know, | 起点什么化学反应 |
so where she falls in love with me and all that sort of thing? | 让她爱上我什么的 |
You know, like, maybe make some sort of love potion or something? | 比如什么爱情药水之类的东西 |
Morty, that's such a poor use of my time. | 完全是浪费我的时间 |
It's beneath me. | 我不屑做这种事 |
Hand me the screwdriver. | 把螺丝刀递给我 |
you know what? No, Rick! | 不 Rick |
I'm not gonna hand you the screwdriver. | 别想我把螺丝刀递给你 |
I-I'm not gonna hand you anything ever again, Rick! | 别想我再给你递任何东西 |
I'm always helping you with this and that and the other thing. | 我老是帮你做这个帮你做那个 |
W-w-w-w-w-what about me, Rick? | 那那那那我呢 Rick |
W-w-w-w-why can't you just help me out once once, for once? | 你怎怎怎么就不能帮我一次呢 就一次 |
You're growing up fast, Morty. | 你还真是长大了啊 Morty |
You're growing into a real big thorn straight up into my ass. | 已经长成一个烦人的大麻烦了 |
listen, this is called oxytocin. | 这个叫后叶催产素 |
I extracted it from a vole. | 我从田鼠的身体里提取的 |
Do you know what a vole is, Morty? | 知道田鼠吗 Morty |
You know what a vole is? | 知道不 |
It's a it's a rodent that mates for life, Morty. | 一种会结为终生伴侣的啮齿动物 |
This is the chemical released in a mammal's brain, you know, | 这是在哺乳动物大脑里分泌的一种激素 |
that makes it fall in love. | 让它坠入爱河 |
All right, Morty, I just got to combine it with some of your DNA. | Morty 我只需要把它和你的DNA混合起来 |
oh, well, okay. | 噢 好的 |
a hair, Morty. | 一根头发就行 Morty |
I need one of your hairs. | 就要一根头发 |
This isn't "Game of thrones." | 又不是《权利的游戏》(大尺度剧集) |
all right, Morty. | 好了 Morty |
Whoever you smear this stuff on | 只要你把这个抹在别人身上 |
will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. | 这人就会爱上你 永远只爱你一个 |
Are you happy now, Morty? | 开心了 Morty |
heck, yeah! | 恩 |
Thank you, grandpa Rick. | 谢谢 Rick外公 |
Hey, there's no... dangers or anything, or side effects, right? | 没有什么危险或者副作用吧 |
w-w-w-what am I, a hack? | 你当我是什么二流科学家吗 |
Go nuts, Morty. It's foolproof. | 放心吧 Morty 绝对安全 |
Eh, unless she has the flu. | 除非她得了流感 |
Beth, do y-you still love me? | Beth 你还爱我吗 |
ugh, what kind of question is that? | 这算是什么问题 |
the "Yes or no" kind? | "爱"或者"不爱"的问题 |
Jerry, do you want homeless people to have homes? | Jerry 你会想让流浪汉有房子住吗 |
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yes. | 想啊 |
Are you gonna build them? | 那你会给他们修房子吗 |
no. | 不会 |
Then what good was the "Yes"? | 那一个肯定的回答又有什么意义呢 |
wait, I-is loving me the house or the homeless people? | 等等 "爱我" 是房子还是流浪汉 |
loving you is work, Jerry. | "爱你"是辛苦的劳动 |
Hard work, like building a homeless shelter | 是给流浪汉修收容所的过程 |
nobody wants to say no to doing it | 没有人"想"说不 |
but some people put the work in. | 但总有人要付出努力 |
So, what do you say? | 所以你说呢 |
Do you see me working here? | 你觉得我有在努力吗 |
Does this conversation seem tedious to me? | 我觉得这对话无聊吗 |
Sort of. | 算是吧 |
Then I obviously sort of love you, don't I? | 那明显我也算是爱你的 |
So stop asking, and maybe I'll love you more. | 所以别问了 说不定我会更爱你一点 |
Crap, they need me at the horse hospital. | 靠 我得去趟马医院 |
Puh! This late? | 都这个点了 |
The racetrack had a starlight derby. | 赛马场搞了场夜间德比赛 |
There was a seven-horse collision, | 有七匹马撞上了 |
and Davin's there alone. | Davin一个人在那儿 |
Davin Davin. | |
Flu, yo | 流感 唷 |
you got to be aware | 小心哦 |
aware of all the flu | 流感哟 |
up in the air | 空气里的流感 |
*I'm-a get me a shot * | 给我一针 |
*and make the flu go away * | 让流感滚 |
flu-hating rapper | 反流感饶舌歌手 |
*just rapping away * | 把流感唱走 |
*yo, yo, flu-hating rapper * | 唷 唷 反流感饶舌歌手 |
*it's a flu-hating rap * | 反流感说唱 |
hey, there, Jessica. | 嗨 Jessica |
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie! | 哦 抱歉 |
Oh, my god. Morty. | 天啊 Morty |
You look really nice tonight. | 你今晚真帅啊 |
Wow, thanks. | 谢谢 |
I love you, Morty! | 我爱你 Morty |
I love you so much, it burns! | 我爱你爱到心如火烧 |
Oh, man! | 天啊 |
I-I love you too, Jessica! | 我也爱你 Jessica |
Is this punk bothering you, Jessica? | 这傻逼在骚扰你吗 Jessica |
Leave him alone, Jerk! | 滚开 混球 |
I'm in love with him! | 我爱他 |
He is more man than you will ever be! | 你永远不可能像他这么男人 |
This is about flu awareness | 要小心流感 |
got to be aware of the flu in the air-ness | 小心空气中的流感 |
*yo, I'm a flu-hating rapper * | 我乃反流感饶舌歌手 |
oh, man, Morty. | 啊 Morty |
I'm really sorry. | 真对不起 |
oh, well, n-no problem, Brad. | 没事的 Brad |
There's something special about you, Morty, so special. | 你很特别 Morty 非常特别 |
Whoa, take it easy! | 哇 你干嘛 |
Get your hands off of him! | 别碰他 |
Back off! I'm trying to be with my man! | 滚开 我要和我男人在一起 |
That's enough, Bradley! | 够了 Bradley |
We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm. | 别把你拿来赶走傻屌(投球)的手弄伤了 |
Oh principal Vagina. | 阴道校长 |
Never leave me, Morty. | 永远别离开我 Morty |
Never! | 永远 |
Hh, sure. | 好啊 |
I mean, o-of course not. | 我当然不会离开你 |
W-what do you think that was all about? | 你觉得刚才那是怎么回事 |
Who cares? Just hold me. | 管他呢 快抱住我 |
Let me go! I love you, Morty! | 放开我 我爱你 Morty |
let go of me! | 放开我 |
Morty Morty! | |
she's gonna be alone with that guy all night. | 她一晚上都要和那人待一起 |
yeah, dad, digging around the insides of horses. | 在马身体里捣来捣去 |
It's not a very romantic setting. | 不是什么浪漫的场景啊 |
well, Summer, there's always the possibility | Summer 说不好啊 |
that she made the whole work thing up. | 搞不好加班这个事儿就是她编的呢 |
Maybe Davin's digging around in her insides. | 说不定现在Davin正在她身体里捣来捣去呢 |
Grandpa, so gross! | 外公 这太恶心了 |
You're talking about my mom. | 你说的是我妈妈 |
Well, she's my daughter, Summer. | 她是我女儿 |
I outrank you. | 我辈分比你高 |
Or family means nothing, in which case, don't play that card. | 亲属关系根本没有意义 所以别跟我来这套 |
she's not responding to my texts! | 她不回我短信 |
Careful, dad. | 小心啊 爸 |
Jealousy turns women off. | 嫉妒会让女人失去兴致的 |
Well, isn't that convenient? | 那不是正好吗 |
Not for the men they cheat on, no. | 被她们劈腿的男人的嫉妒是没用的 |
okay, I'm... going to go out... for some ice cream. | 好吧 我要出去 买点冰激凌 |
And maybe stop by the hospital... to support my wife... | 可能顺路去趟医院 看看我的老婆 |
with my confidence. | 不带一点怀疑 |
God, grandpa, you're such a dick. | 天啊 外公 你真是个混蛋 |
I'm sorry, Summer. | 抱歉 Summer |
Your opinion means very little to me. | 你怎么想我一点都不在乎 |
How come you're not at this | 你怎么没去那个 |
stupid dance everyone loves so much? | 人人爱的傻舞会呢 |
Screw that. I don't want to get sick. | 我才不去 我不要被传染 |
It's flu season. | 现在是流感季节 |
It is? | 是吗 |
yeah. | 是啊 |
uh-oh. | 啊噢 |
Please just let this work out. | 千万别出什么岔子啊 |
Do it, Morty. Do it. | 来吧 Morty 来吧 |
Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life! | 把我的衣服撕开 和我结为终生伴侣吧 |
Can we maybe go somewhere more private? | 咱能去个隐蔽点的地方吗 |
Jessica, get a hold of yourself! | Jessica 控制一下自己 |
you don't deserve to carry morty's genes. | 你不配得到Morty的基因 |
*I love Morty * | 我爱Morty |
*and I hope Morty loves me * | 但愿他也爱我 |
I'd like to wrap my arms around him | 我想抱着他 |
and feel him inside me | 让他进入我的身体 |
oh, crap. | 我靠 |
Morty Morty! | |
Morty, come on! | Morty 快来 |
We got to get you out of here. | 我们快走 |
You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens | 通常来说这种事是不会发生的 |
but I made a mistake. | 但我确实犯了个错 |
Come on, Morty. | 快跑 Morty |
We got to get out of here. Come on. | 咱们赶紧出去 |
Morty Morty! | |
Are you okay? | 你没事吧 |
I'm fine! | 我没事 |
Oh, good. | 太好了 |
If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. | 要是你出了什么事 我也活不下去了 |
I love you bad, mo-mo! | 我爱死你了 莫莫 |
Morty, the principal and I have discussed it, | Morty 校长和我商量过了 |
a-a-and we're both insecure enough | 我们都对自己没什么把握 |
to agree to a three-way! | 所以只好同意3p了 |
I didn't realize when I gave you that serum | 我把血清给你的时候 |
that Jessica had the flu | 不知道Jessica得了流感 |
you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have | 这这这这对我来说可能是 |
been valuable information for me, Morty. | 非常有用的信息好吗 Morty |
What the hell is going on, Rick? | 这到底是怎么回事 Rick |
What does it look like? | 看着像是怎么回事 |
T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. | 血清借助病毒 |
It's gone airborne, Morty. | 变得能通过空气传播了 |
oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick? | 妈啦 怎么办啊 Rick |
It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. | 没事的 Morty 放心 |
I whipped up an antidote. | 我赶制了解药 |
It's based on praying-mantis DNA. | 我用了螳螂的DNA |
You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. | 螳螂完全和田鼠相反 |
I mean, they they mate once, | 它们只交配一次 |
and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. | 然后就把交配对象的头砍掉 |
I mean, it's a whole ritual. | 它们的习性就是这样 |
It's really gruesome and totally opposite. | 非常残忍 和田鼠完全相反 |
There's no love at all. | 完全没有爱可言 |
I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. | 我加入了一种更具传染性的流感病毒 |
It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. | 应该就能中和掉之前的血清了 |
It'll all be over very shortly. | 这事儿很快就能结束了 |
Uh, by the way, Morty, | 对了 Morty |
I know you didn't ask or anything, | 虽然你没问 |
but I'm not interested in having sex with you. | 但我一点都不想和你发生性关系 |
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