对未来感情有些许迷茫，只想从奥地利作家斯蒂芬·茨威格1922发表的《一个陌生女人的来信》这一本近期刚读、印象较深的短篇小说的故事里自己体味一下。后续多图来袭，取自同名影片，涉及剧透，谨慎食用。
度假回家的作家R在41岁生日的这天收到了这封字迹潦草、长达几十页、没有寄信人署名和地址、凭借字迹勉强认出是女人的手稿。信的开篇就交代了：她的儿子因发了三天烧昨天死了，而她这一生除了已死的独子就只有你，这个不认识她但她却爱了一辈子的你，而且在你收到这封信的时候，她也已经随着儿子一同死了，这勾起了作家R继续读下去的兴趣，尽管他显然对这个人没有丝毫印象。徐静蕾2005年导演的同名电影中，片头的《琵琶语》的配乐做了很好的中国本土化的改编，徐徐拉开这一故事的序幕。
原文：Only you,who have never known me,and whom I have never ceased to love.
住同层公寓（电影中改编为四合院）的前对门邻居是这样的：男主人酗酒、家暴、打老婆，他们家的孩子因为我不跟他们玩而经常在大街上骂我，并朝我丢雪球报复，后来他们家因为那个男的偷东西而被抓了，不得不搬走了。没过几天就听门房说，这间房被一个出过好几本书的25岁单身作家租去了，这是13岁的我第一次听到你的名字。
原文：That was the first time I heard your name.
作家R搬家的过程中，精致的家具显示着财力，一大堆软皮封面的法文、英文还有不认识文字的书展现着学识，在我还没见到你的时候心中就产生了一种崇敬之情。影片中作家的出现确实吓了小锡一跳：1963年出生的姜文拍此电影时年42岁，此时演30岁，身着黑色皮衣，戴不知名眼镜和帽子，意气风发的骑着摩托车，第一次出现在女主和观众的眼前，据说这是“入乡随俗”后1930年的北平最时髦的穿着打扮，却莫名带了一点喜剧色彩。
原文：Your handsome,slim,and spruce figure was a positive shock to me.
原文：I read book upon book,far into the night,for I knew thar you were a book-lover.
在我15岁这年，妈妈再嫁了，要搬到别的地方了。尽管我气的晕了过去，最终也无力抵抗，而我又无法泄露我不愿离开你的秘密。
原文：My life seemed falling to pieces;and at last one day,when I returned to dinner,the furniture removers had cleared the flat.
在临行的前一晚，我的内心受到了强烈的折磨，我忍不住想要最后见你一面，紧紧的抱你一次。在1月的寒风中，等到凌晨3点，我终于听到了你的脚步声以及另一个女人的浅笑嗔骂...
原文：You were not alone.I heard a gentle laugh,the rustle of silk,and your voice,speaking in low tones.There is nothing more terrible than to be alone among human beings.(置身繁华闹市中任人群熙熙攘攘，却忍受彻骨孤寂我自独行)
18岁时，我终于又回到了你的城市，但是我们的距离仍然远隔千山万水。
原文：The fact that in reality I was as far from your mind as if I had been separated by mountains and valleys and rivers.
我在脑海中设想过很多次与你重逢的场景，但是从来没有想过，你在意识里从没意识到我的存在。可能因为女人的脸或者服饰总是变化多端，可是我仍无法接受你的健忘。
原文：I understand now(you have taught me!)that a girl’s or a woman’s face must be for a man something extraordiniarily mutable.A man can readily forget a woman’s face,because she modifies its lights and shades,and because at different times the dress gives it so different times the dress gives it so different a setting.
两天后我们又“偶遇”了，尽管你并没认出我，却以老朋友一样的口吻邀请我一起吃晚饭。晚饭后，你问我是否方便去你家坐坐，“方便，我都方便。”我不假思索的答道。
原文：She must be brought to consent by urgent pleading,by lies,adjurations,and promises.I know that only professional prostitutes are accustomed to answer such an invitation with a perfectly frank assent——prostitutes,or simple-minded,immature girls.
在你之前我还没有过任何经验，我并没有抗拒的投入你的怀抱，走入我的命运之中。
原文：You care only for what comes and goes easily,for that which is light of touch,is imponderable.You dread being involved in anyone else’s destiny.You like to give yourself freely to all the world——but not to make any sacrifices.When you were sleeping beside me,when I listened to your breathing,touched your body,and felt myself so near to you.
第二天一早我就离开了。
原文：Would you not like to take a few flowers with you?
原文：Again it was full of wonder and delight.You gave me a third night.
三天后，你出差了，并承诺一回来就会通知我。我至此都没有告诉你我的真实姓名，临别时你又给了我几朵玫瑰。但是，我等了2个月，你早就回来了，却并没有来找我。（男人都是大猪蹄子）
原文：Once more you gave me roses at parting.
而你不知道的是，我已经怀孕了，怀了你的孩子。为了不引起你的猜疑和怨恨，我宁愿独自承受这一切。由于我的这种情况，并不敢向继父和母亲求助，于是在等待孩子出生的最后几个月，我都是在变卖自己的东西生活，你的孩子就出生在一个破败凄凉的收容所里，这里到处死气沉沉、拥挤不堪、散发着氯仿和鲜血的味道、充满了叫喊和呻吟。（这里描述了一个女人细腻的内心世界的真实感受，你能感受到卑微低下、心甘情愿和义无反顾的决心，可是现实又是非常残酷的，贫穷就是原罪，而这一切不平等、不负责任的爱情就是原罪的开端。）
原文：I make no complaint.I love you just as you are,ardent and forgetful,generous and unfaithful.I love you just as you have always been.I would rather take the whole burden on myself than be a burden to you;I wanted to be the one among all the women you had intimately known of whom you would never think except with love and thankfulness. We were all alien to one another,as we lay there in our loneliness,filled with mutual hatred,thrust together only by our kinship of poverty and distress into this crowded ward, reeking of chloroform and blood,filled with cries and moaning.(你似乎能看到、闻到、听到她在最虚弱的时候经受的孤独和痛苦，这些痛苦一度在陪伴和照顾孩子长大的每一个过程里的欢乐所溶解，可是今天她的孩子死了，这一切可怕的经历又一齐涌上心头。)
像很多的母亲一样，在有了属于我的孩子之后，我对你的思念变得不那么折磨了，因为这个孩子需要我，而你却是最讨厌被束缚的。为了给我们的儿子提供优越的生活环境，我委身于一个个有钱人做他们的情人，因为在收容所生下他的时候，我就暗自发誓不允许我的孩子受人践踏。
原文：I did not wish to divide myself between you and him,So I did not give mysqlf to you,who were happy and independent of me,but to the boy who needed me,whom I had to nourish,whom I cloud kiss and fondle.In the lying-in hospital I had tasted the full horror of poverty.I know that,in the world of the poor,those who are down-trodden are always the victims.
在接下来的11年里，我只是在你过生日的时候送你一束白玫瑰，正如你第一次送我给我的那些一样。
原文：One thing only——on your birthday I have always sent you a bunch of white roses,like the roses you gave me after our first night of love.For me it was enough to send them to you out of the darkness,once a year,to revive my own memory of that hour.
后来，我经常出现在你常去的地方，只为能再次与你相见。
我拒绝了其他男人想要给我安稳生活的求婚请求，只为了能够以自由之身回应你的召唤。
原文：Some day,perhaps,you would call me to your side,were it only for an hour.For the possibility of this one hour I rejected everything else,simply that I might be free to answer your call.
没想到机会来的非常突然，你又一次邀请我跟着你，可是你却依然视我为陌生人。可是对于我来说，我不可能放弃盼望了多年的和你在一起的这一小时。
原文：Your look became continually more ardent,and touched my own senses to fire.I cloud not be sure whether you had at last recognised me,or whether your desires had been aroused by one whom you believed to be a stranger.
“方便，我都方便。”我再一次不假思索的答道。你稍微有些惊讶地看着我，惊讶中带着疑虑、好奇的神情，一如从前我一口答应你邀请时的神情。
原文：I could no longer answer when spoken to,could no longer control the trmult of my blood.It was plain that you did not recognised me,neither the child,nor the girl of old days.Again,to you,I was a new acquaintance.”Yes,”I answered,the same tremulous but perfectly acquiescent “Yes” that you had heard from me in my girlhood,more than ten years earlier,in the darkling street.
一夜过后，你又要走了。
原文：“The man I love has always gone on a journey.”
你目光专注的望着我，这目光似乎能穿透人心，我不禁幻想你是不是要认出我了！站在镜子前，我竟看到了你悄悄把几张钞票塞进我的暖手筒，我简直又羞又怕，几近疯狂。我跟你共度了一夜过后，却付钱给我，给身为你儿子的母亲。
原文：You put your hands on my shoulders:”Good things are not forgotten,and I shall not forget you.”Your eyes studied me attentively,as if you wished to form an enduring image of me in your mind.You were paying me for the night I had spent with you,me who had loved you since childhood,me the mother of your son.
我临走的时候看到了书桌上的白玫瑰，我心里涌起最后一次唤起你的记忆的冲动。也许它们是一个被你遗忘的女人送给你的。
原文：”Will you give me one of your white roses?”——”Of course,They were a present,but I don’t know who sent them;that’s why I’m so fond of them.”
她的爱如同《白玫瑰》歌词所唱，“得不到的从来矜贵，身处劣势如何不攻心计”，最后的结局也有一种《茶花女》的凄婉动人。她宁愿做一个傻姑娘，也不愿给作家带来一丝一毫的烦恼。
她的爱是不计回报的付出，像《麦琪的礼物》一样，只为让所爱的人开心，情愿付出自己的所有，只是结局并没有双向奔赴，所以让人觉得非常惋惜和不值得。最后再引用《无问西东》里的一句话：“如果提前了解了你所要面对的人生，你是否还有勇气前来？”