搞笑翻译
1、I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
开始我直接求帝哥赐辆自行车。
后来我琢磨帝哥办事儿不是这个路数。
于是老子偷了一辆然后求帝哥宽恕。（caelian）
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去……
而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！（caelian）
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯傻逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你（caelian）
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
你ml老操蛋？弄错体位了吧|||。。
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
这社会，叫警察有个屁用，还没外卖来得快……（pum）
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
XXOO=打桥牌。
如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。（caelian）
自己动手，丰衣足食。（水枪）
9、Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （玩具玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。（拔刀斋）
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律的更替，而且是为了同一个无比肮脏的理由！！（样小过无敌雕）
尿布湿了得换，克林顿湿了得被弹劾。（水枪）
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！（caelian）
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。
要是他不硬，就给他来俩肉夹馍！ （CyberKnight电子骑士）
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
哥们的母上大人每次骂哥们“婊子养的”自己都不觉得喜感！ （caelian）
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都是那么的坦荡。（水枪）
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我在卖艺，原来我是在卖身。（Trovatore）
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~.（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
合不合体不是问题，能不能爽才是关键。
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻就是从“晚上好”开始，然后告诉你为什么这个晚上其实“不太好”。（叮当想旅行）
新闻联播是一档前后高度一致的节目。它用“观众朋友们晚上好”开场，接着用无数不争的事实告诉观众：你们活得真的很好。 （水枪）
晚间新闻每次都先说"晚上好！"，但每次看完你都忍不住大骂"好个毛！"（Derek Yang ）
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
想当年迎风尿十丈，叹如今顺风滴湿鞋。（Trovatore）
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人认为腹泻十分痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？？！！！很享受哈？？！！ （caelian）
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
知识告诉我们西红柿是水果，智慧告诉我们不要把它伴到沙拉里去。
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
帝哥瞅着咱们呢。。我说大伙好歹喜感点吧！（caelian）
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论。任何情况。永远。不要在一个夜晚。同时吃。安眠药。和。通便灵。 （caelian）
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端！！！！！！不是为了成为一个食素者滴！！！！！（caelian）
27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…（caelian）
28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
我要是跟你一德行,那咱俩就全是SB了...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
29、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。（Trovatore）
30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
瞅见个姐姐，衣服胸前写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？” （caelian）
32、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子定义：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。 （caelian）
33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
老子胡吹大气你都信，干嘛告你说油漆没干你还要亲自试试？？（拔刀斋）
34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
越解释越SB，不说话最NB。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。（caelian）
37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？（caelian）
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
好姑娘就是从没被逮个正着的坏姑娘。（尹子）
想立牌坊就得会装（水枪）
40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那个逼，定是找到替罪羊鸟~（caelian）
41、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到带着秃顶和啤酒肚上大街还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。（caelian）
42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上滴骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。 （caelian）
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！！！！！ （caelian）
44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人到哪里都让人们感觉喜洋洋.但有些人嘛,挂了人们才感觉精神爽...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。（Derek Yang）
46、I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。（caelian）
47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
横看成岭侧成峰，矮人眼里全是湿。。。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我没说你错了，我只是觉得你不对。
49、Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，这种时候找我妈干嘛？！
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝蜀黍一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！（caelian）
51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
小二建房，小三推墙。（水枪）
52、I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
从来没觉得生活有滋有味，不过来点小酒真不错。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
53、The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
54、It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
高潮是搞不死你的，就要命的是快要高潮的时候突然停下。（arabesque）
跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。（小耿）
55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
天然呆，这玩意儿人工智能也改善不能。（caelian）
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
不要用“玻璃”来打击男人，用“棒球棒” （拔刀斋）
57、There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
扑倒和拥抱是有微妙的区别的哟！~~ （caelian）
58、A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来！（CyberKnight电子骑士）
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。 （尹子）
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
我的观点或许改变了，但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。 （尹子）
我们要搞共产主义，也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。（水枪）
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
心理医生：你有病！
我：我需要其他意见
心理医生：好吧，你真tm丑
62、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道...没看见我还在交钱吗？”（尹子）
63、Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
64、When in doubt, mumble.
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。（Trovatore）
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。 （小耿）
67、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在！！！！！！！（caelian）
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑抽插你的智商
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。于是好好学习当大魔王吧！（caelian）
70、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱当然买不来幸福，不过老子有钱了痛苦一点怕什么。（Derek Yang）
71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
跟悲观主义者借钱吧！他反正不指望你还！！！（caelian）
谁悲观就问谁借钱，反正他们也不会指望你还。（Trovatore）
72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
担忧真的好使！！老子担心的事儿90%都没发生！！（caelian）
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳去无踪。（Trovatore）
处女膜就像肥皂泡，一戳就没了
74、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
只要主义真，母猪也能飞上天。(糖2 )
76、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏！！！！归根结底，我是天枰她是JP！！ （caelian）
77、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人鸡犬不宁
78、You're never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越2~（arabesque）
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
80、I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已（就是说通灵啊阴阳眼啊什么的是想像出来滴……） （连小水）
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~
我他妈死盯着它几个小时了啊！！！！！！！！！！（caelian）
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题（Trovatore）
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人总是能击中男人的要害。
85、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
如果你觉得地球不危险了，说明你该回火星了。
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
上帝蜀黍很喜欢你，是因为大家都说“你就是个B”吗？
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
以前偶优柔寡断，现在连这点也拿不准了。
88、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
不要相信那些（一个月）流五天血还不死的动物。（杀手的天空）
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
如果你始终脚踏实地，那就光着下半身吧。 （CyberKnight电子骑士）
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
91、You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
好吧，既然这艘船要沉了，救生衣又只有一件，我就勉为其难的虚伪一下，你对我来说实在是不能再nice的朋友了...我一定会经常想念你滴~!!! （ I'M.苏打.Yee! ）
92、Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
喊两声春哥万岁就想得永生？那你看了那么多艳照也没见你丫变冠希啊。 （Trovatore ）
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
世界总是在变，但我却怎么也便不出来。（水枪）
人生何处不杯具，唯有面对饮水机。 （CyberKnight电子骑士）
94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
公车的时速定义：你追着公车跑时它的速度——是你在丫体内时速度——的2倍。（caelian）
追的时候嫌人姑娘逃的太快，到手了又觉着有些粘乎。
96、Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
发明“胆小如鼠”这词儿的哥们一定没半夜进过厨房！（CyberKnight电子骑士）
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
玩命一次是英雄，玩命两次是SB。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
口腔体温计和菊花体温计有啥不同？尝尝看就知道了（arabesque）
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
以毒攻毒，别忘了医院都是解毒的
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
my left brain has nothing right, my right brain has nothing left.
你吧，左半边脑子是水，右半边脑子是面粉；不动脑子还好，一动脑子就成了浆糊！
开始我直接求帝哥赐辆自行车。
后来我琢磨帝哥办事儿不是这个路数。
于是老子偷了一辆然后求帝哥宽恕。（caelian）
2、I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
我希望能像爷爷那样，安静地在睡梦中死去……
而不是要像他开的车上那些惨叫滴乘客一样死法啊！（caelian）
3、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
你永远不能战胜一个纯傻逼,因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他个水平,然后用丰富的经验打败你（caelian）
4、The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
5、If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
你ml老操蛋？弄错体位了吧|||。。
6、The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
7、We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
这社会，叫警察有个屁用，还没外卖来得快……（pum）
8、Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
XXOO=打桥牌。
如果对手不好使，自己的手必须好使。（caelian）
自己动手，丰衣足食。（水枪）
9、Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
有些人就像 Slinkies （玩具玩具），没什么实在用处，但看他们倒腾来捣腾去还是很有喜感。（拔刀斋）
10、Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
政客和纸尿布有一个共同点就是：他们都很有规律的更替，而且是为了同一个无比肮脏的理由！！（样小过无敌雕）
尿布湿了得换，克林顿湿了得被弹劾。（水枪）
11、War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
12、Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
女人的高潮可能是装出来的。但是男人TMD可以整段感情都是装出来的！（caelian）
13、We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
14、Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
男人就两种状态：饥饿和饥渴。
要是他不硬，就给他来俩肉夹馍！ （CyberKnight电子骑士）
15、Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
光总是比声音跑的快点....这就是为嘛有些SB只有在开口说话之后你才发现他是在装B...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
16、My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.
哥们的母上大人每次骂哥们“婊子养的”自己都不觉得喜感！ （caelian）
我妈每次对着我骂草泥马的时候都是那么的坦荡。（水枪）
17、I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
曾以为我在卖艺，原来我是在卖身。（Trovatore）
18、If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
你要是觉得没人在乎你的死活,那你不妨尝试一下跟你的债主玩躲猫猫~~.（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
19、Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
合不合体不是问题，能不能爽才是关键。
20、Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
晚间新闻就是从“晚上好”开始，然后告诉你为什么这个晚上其实“不太好”。（叮当想旅行）
新闻联播是一档前后高度一致的节目。它用“观众朋友们晚上好”开场，接着用无数不争的事实告诉观众：你们活得真的很好。 （水枪）
晚间新闻每次都先说"晚上好！"，但每次看完你都忍不住大骂"好个毛！"（Derek Yang ）
21、How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
想当年迎风尿十丈，叹如今顺风滴湿鞋。（Trovatore）
22、If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
如果4/5的人认为腹泻十分痛苦，那剩下1/5咋回事？？！！！很享受哈？？！！ （caelian）
23、Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
知识告诉我们西红柿是水果，智慧告诉我们不要把它伴到沙拉里去。
24、If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
帝哥瞅着咱们呢。。我说大伙好歹喜感点吧！（caelian）
25、Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
无论。任何情况。永远。不要在一个夜晚。同时吃。安眠药。和。通便灵。 （caelian）
26、I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian
老子拼死拼活奋斗到食物链顶端！！！！！！不是为了成为一个食素者滴！！！！！（caelian）
27、A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
公车站呀公车停。火车站呀火车停。俺桌上有个工作站…（caelian）
28、If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
我要是跟你一德行,那咱俩就全是SB了...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
29、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了你知道不？只要驯养几个星期，它们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。（Trovatore）
30、A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
31、I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
瞅见个姐姐，衣服胸前写着“Guess”...俺就问了一句：“...隆过？” （caelian）
32、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子定义：你先花2年，教丫们走路和说话。然后你再花16年教丫们坐定和闭嘴。 （caelian）
33、Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
老子胡吹大气你都信，干嘛告你说油漆没干你还要亲自试试？？（拔刀斋）
34、Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
越解释越SB，不说话最NB。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
35、A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
36、Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
你有什么不开心的？说出来给大家开心开心。（caelian）
37、The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
我知道没人在我脑子里跟我聊天，但那些话真TM有用！
38、A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
无愧于心哈？记性不好吧？（caelian）
39、Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
好姑娘就是从没被逮个正着的坏姑娘。（尹子）
想立牌坊就得会装（水枪）
40、He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
临危忽然微笑的那个逼，定是找到替罪羊鸟~（caelian）
41、Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
如果女人能做到带着秃顶和啤酒肚上大街还觉得自己倍儿性感——此时估计男女能平等。（caelian）
42、The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
小腿上滴骨头——在黑房间里找准家具位置的好装备。 （caelian）
43、The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
圣诞老人当然美，他知道所有YD妞住哪儿啊！！！！！ （caelian）
44、To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
窃钩者诛，窃国者为诸侯。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
45、Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
有些人到哪里都让人们感觉喜洋洋.但有些人嘛,挂了人们才感觉精神爽...（小鱼想进Z.F.T.）
有些人一来大家就开心了；有些人一走大家就开心了。（Derek Yang）
46、I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
我发现，我滴脚丫被一小片儿海藻擦过时，我滴那个惨叫声——和我被大白鲨吓坏时的惨叫声是一样滴。（caelian）
47、Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
横看成岭侧成峰，矮人眼里全是湿。。。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
48、I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
我没说你错了，我只是觉得你不对。
49、Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
当我填表的时候，有一项是“紧急情况联系：” 我填上了“医生”，这种时候找我妈干嘛？！
50、God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
上帝蜀黍一定倍儿爱SB，不然他造这么多！！！！！！！（caelian）
51、Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
小二建房，小三推墙。（水枪）
52、I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
从来没觉得生活有滋有味，不过来点小酒真不错。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
53、The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
54、It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
高潮是搞不死你的，就要命的是快要高潮的时候突然停下。（arabesque）
跳楼的时候，“啊——”的时候还没死，“啪！”那才是死了。（小耿）
55、Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
天然呆，这玩意儿人工智能也改善不能。（caelian）
56、Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
不要用“玻璃”来打击男人，用“棒球棒” （拔刀斋）
57、There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
扑倒和拥抱是有微妙的区别的哟！~~ （caelian）
58、A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.
所谓砍价，就是这东西虽然你不需要，但价格太好必须要买下来！（CyberKnight电子骑士）
59、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了。 （尹子）
60、My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
我的观点或许改变了，但我是正确的这一事实却亘古不变。 （尹子）
我们要搞共产主义，也要搞有中国特色的社会主义。（水枪）
61、My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
心理医生：你有病！
我：我需要其他意见
心理医生：好吧，你真tm丑
62、A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要花多少钱啊？”他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道...没看见我还在交钱吗？”（尹子）
63、Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
64、When in doubt, mumble.
65、I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
我已决定长生不老，目前为止，感觉良好。（Trovatore）
66、Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
好客就是：让客人觉得他们像在他们家一样，尽管你真的希望他们滚回他们家。 （小耿）
67、If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
68、A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑则是吐你槽的终极存在！！！！！！！（caelian）
电视侮辱你的智商，电脑抽插你的智商
69、Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
知识就是力量，力量会邪恶化。于是好好学习当大魔王吧！（caelian）
70、Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
钱当然买不来幸福，不过老子有钱了痛苦一点怕什么。（Derek Yang）
71、Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
跟悲观主义者借钱吧！他反正不指望你还！！！（caelian）
谁悲观就问谁借钱，反正他们也不会指望你还。（Trovatore）
72、Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
担忧真的好使！！老子担心的事儿90%都没发生！！（caelian）
73、Virginity is like a soapbubble, one prick and it is gone.
贞操如泡影，一戳去无踪。（Trovatore）
处女膜就像肥皂泡，一戳就没了
74、Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
75、With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
只要主义真，母猪也能飞上天。(糖2 )
76、I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
我早就该知道我跟我EX没戏！！！！归根结底，我是天枰她是JP！！ （caelian）
77、Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
没有女人冷冷清清，有了女人鸡犬不宁
78、You're never too old to learn something stupid.
越活越2~（arabesque）
79、A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
80、I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
81、Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
有些人吹牛说丫能通灵，有些人吹牛说丫有阴阳眼，其他人只是没有这种想象力而已（就是说通灵啊阴阳眼啊什么的是想像出来滴……） （连小水）
82、I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
啊我好爱好爱工作啊~ 工作让我好着迷啊~
我他妈死盯着它几个小时了啊！！！！！！！！！！（caelian）
83、We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
枪支管理不是问题，SB管理才是问题（Trovatore）
84、Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower.
女人总是能击中男人的要害。
85、Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
如果你觉得地球不危险了，说明你该回火星了。
86、Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
上帝蜀黍很喜欢你，是因为大家都说“你就是个B”吗？
87、I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
以前偶优柔寡断，现在连这点也拿不准了。
88、I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
不要相信那些（一个月）流五天血还不死的动物。（杀手的天空）
89、If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
如果你始终脚踏实地，那就光着下半身吧。 （CyberKnight电子骑士）
90、To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
别人是指哪儿打哪儿，我是打哪儿指哪儿。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
91、You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
好吧，既然这艘船要沉了，救生衣又只有一件，我就勉为其难的虚伪一下，你对我来说实在是不能再nice的朋友了...我一定会经常想念你滴~!!! （ I'M.苏打.Yee! ）
92、Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
喊两声春哥万岁就想得永生？那你看了那么多艳照也没见你丫变冠希啊。 （Trovatore ）
93、Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
世界总是在变，但我却怎么也便不出来。（水枪）
人生何处不杯具，唯有面对饮水机。 （CyberKnight电子骑士）
94、If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
95、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
公车的时速定义：你追着公车跑时它的速度——是你在丫体内时速度——的2倍。（caelian）
追的时候嫌人姑娘逃的太快，到手了又觉着有些粘乎。
96、Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.
发明“胆小如鼠”这词儿的哥们一定没半夜进过厨房！（CyberKnight电子骑士）
97、You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
玩命一次是英雄，玩命两次是SB。（CyberKnight电子骑士）
98、The difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer is in the taste.
口腔体温计和菊花体温计有啥不同？尝尝看就知道了（arabesque）
99、When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
以毒攻毒，别忘了医院都是解毒的
100、Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
my left brain has nothing right, my right brain has nothing left.
你吧，左半边脑子是水，右半边脑子是面粉；不动脑子还好，一动脑子就成了浆糊！