DECEMBER 20.
I am grateful to your love, Wilhelm, for having repeated your advice so seasonably.
Yes, you are right: it is undoubtedly better that I should depart (离去).
But I do not entirely approve your scheme of returning at once to your neighbourhood; at least, I should like to make a little excursion (远足) on the way, particularly as we may now expect a continued frost, and consequently good roads.
I am much pleased with your intention of coming to fetch (接来) me; only delay your journey for a fortnight, and wait for another letter from me.
One should gather nothing before it is ripe, and a fortnight sooner or later makes a great difference.
Entreat my mother to pray for her son, and tell her I beg her pardon for all the unhappiness I have occasioned her.
It has ever been my fate to give pain to those whose happiness I should have promoted.
Adieu, my dearest friend. May every blessing of Heaven attend you! Farewell.
We find it difficult to express the emotions with which Charlotte's soul was agitated during the whole of this time, whether in relation to her husband or to her unfortunate friend; although we are enabled, by our knowledge of her character, to understand their nature.
It is certain that she had formed a determination, by every means in her power to keep Werther at a distance; and, if she hesitated in her decision, it was from a sincere feeling of friendly pity, knowing how much it would cost him, indeed, that he would find it almost impossible to comply with her wishes. {1}
But various causes now urged her to be firm.
Her hushand preserved a strict silence about the whole matter; and she never made it a subject of conversation, feeling bound to prove to him by her conduct that her sentiments agreed with his.
The same day, which was the Sunday before Christmas, after Werther had written the last-mentioned letter to his friend, he came in the evening to Charlotte's house, and found her alone.
She was busy preparing some little gifts for her brothers and sisters, which were to be distributed (分发) to them on Christmas Day.
He began talking of the delight of the children, and of that age when the sudden appearance of the Christmas-tree, decorated with fruit and sweetmeats, and lighted up with wax candles, causes such transports of joy.
"You shall have a gift too, if you behave well," said Charlotte, hiding her embarrassment under sweet smile.
"And what do you call behaving well? What should I do, what can I do, my dear Charlotte?" said he.
"Thursday night," she answered, "is Christmas Eve.
The children are all to be here, and my father too: there is a present for each; do you come likewise, but do not come before that time."
Werther started. "I desire you will not: it must be so," she continued.
"I ask it of you as a favour, for my own peace and tranquillity. We cannot go on in this manner any longer."
He turned away his face walked hastily up and down the room, muttering indistinctly, "We cannot go on in this manner any longer!" Charlotte, seeing the violent agitation into which these words had thrown him, endeavoured to divert his thoughts by different questions, but in vain.
"No, Charlotte!" he exclaimed; "I will never see you any more!"
"And why so?" she answered. "We may -- we must see each other again; only let it be with more discretion (审慎).
Oh! why were you born with that excessive, that ungovernable (难抑制的) passion for everything that is dear to you?"
Then, taking his hand, she said, "I entreat of you to be more calm: your talents, your understanding, your genius, will furnish you with a thousand resources.
Be a man, and conquer an unhappy attachment toward a creature who can do nothing but pity you."
He bit his lips, and looked at her with a gloomy countenance.
She continued to hold his hand. "Grant me but a moment's patience, Werther," she said.
"Do you not see that you are deceiving yourself, that you are seeking your own destruction?
Why must you love me, me only, who belong to another?
I fear, I much fear, that it is only the impossibility of possessing me which makes your desire for me so strong."
He drew back his hand, whilst he surveyed her with a wild and angry look.
"'Tis well!" he exclaimed, "'tis very well! Did not Albert furnish you with this reflection?
It is profound, a very profound remark."
"A reflection that any one might easily make," she answered;
"and is there not a woman in the whole world who is at liberty, and has the power to make you happy?
Conquer yourself: look for such a being, and believe me when I say that you will certainly find her.
I have long felt for you, and for us all: you have confined yourself too long within the limits of too narrow a circle.
Conquer yourself; make an effort: a short journey will be of service to you.
Seek and find an object worthy of your love; then return hither (到这里), and let us enjoy together all the happiness of the most perfect friendship."
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"This speech," replied Werther with a cold smile, "this speech should be printed, for the benefit of all teachers. My dear Charlotte, allow me but a short time longer, and all will be well."
"But however, Werther," she added, "do not come again before Christmas."
He was about to make some answer, when Albert came in.
They saluted (致敬) each other coldly, and with mutual embarrassment paced up and down the room.
Werther made some common remarks; Albert did the same, and their conversation soon dropped.
Albert asked his wife about some household matters; and, finding that his commissions were not executed, he used some expressions which, to Werther's ear, savoured of extreme harshness.
He wished to go, but had not power to move; and in this situation he remained till eight o'clock, his uneasiness and discontent continually increasing.
At length the cloth was laid for supper, and he took up his hat and stick.
Albert invited him to remain; but Werther, fancying that he was merely paying a formal compliment (恭维), thanked him coldly, amd left the house.
Werther returned home, took the candle from his servant, and retired to his room alone.
He talked for some time with great earnestness to himself, wept aloud, walked in a state of great excitement through his chamber;
till at length, without undressing, he threw himself on the bed, where he was found by his servant at eleven o'clock, when the latter ventured to enter the room, and take off his boots.
Werther did not prevent him, but forbade him to come in the morning till he should ring.
On Monday morning, the 21st of December, he wrote to Charlotte the following letter, which was found, sealed, on his bureau after his death, and was given to her.
I shall insert it in fragments; as it appears, from several circumstances, to have been written in that manner.
"It is all over, Charlotte: I am resolved (下定决心的) to die! I make this declaration deliberately and coolly, without any romantic passion, on this morning of the day when I am to see you for the last time.
At the moment you read these lines, O best of women, the cold grave will hold the inanimate remains of that restless and unhappy being who, in the last moments of his existence, knew no pleasure so great as that of conversing with you! {2}
I have passed a dreadful night or rather, let me say, a propitious (适合的) one; for it has given me resolution, it has fixed my purpose.
I am resolved to die. When I tore myself from you yesterday, my senses were in tumult (激动) and disorder; my heart was oppressed, hope and pleasure had fled from me for ever,
and a petrifying (石化) cold had seized my wretched being.
I could scarcely reach my room. I threw myself on my knees; and Heaven, for the last time, granted me the consolation of shedding tears.
A thousand ideas, a thousand schemes, arose within my soul; till at length one last, fixed, final thought took possession of my heart.
It was to die. I lay down to rest; and in the morning, in the quiet hour of awakening, the same determination was upon me.
To die! It is not despair: it is conviction that I have filled up the measure of my sufferings, that I have reached my appointed term, and must sacrifice myself for thee. {3}
Yes, Charlotte, why should I not avow it? One of us three must die: it shall be Werther.
O beloved Charlotte! this heart, excited by rage and fury, has often conceived the horrid idea of murdering your husband -- you -- myself!
The lot is cast at length.
And in the bright, quiet evenings of summer, when you sometimes wander toward the mountains, let your thoughts then turn to me: recollect how often you have watched me coming to meet you from the valley;
then bend your eyes upon the churchyard (教堂墓地) which contains my grave, and, by the light of the setting sun, mark how the evening breeze waves the tall grass which grows above my tomb. {4}
I was calm when I began this letter, but the recollection of these scenes makes me weep like a child.
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About ten in the morning, Werther called his servant, and, whilst he was dressing, told him that in a few days he intended to set out upon a journey, and bade (吩咐) him therefore lay his clothes in order, and prepare them for packing up, call in all his accounts, fetch home the books he had lent, and give two months' pay to the poor dependants who were accustomed to receive from him a weekly allowance.