人物表
INDEX OF CHARACTERS
♦赛鲁罗一家（鞋匠的家人）
The Cerullo family (the shoemaker’s
family):
费尔南多·赛鲁罗：鞋匠，莉拉的父亲。
Fernando Cerullo, shoemaker, Lila’s
father.
农齐亚·赛鲁罗：莉拉的母亲。
Nunzia Cerullo, Lila’s mother.
拉法埃拉·赛鲁罗：所有人都叫她莉娜，只有埃莱娜叫她莉拉。她生于1944年8月，年纪轻轻就嫁给了斯特凡诺·卡拉奇，在伊斯基亚岛度假时，她爱上了尼诺·萨拉托雷，并为之离开了丈夫。她和尼诺的同居生活失败，儿子詹纳罗出生之后，她发现艾达·卡普乔怀了斯特凡诺的孩子。莉拉彻底离开了丈夫，她和恩佐·斯坎诺搬到那不勒斯郊区圣约翰·特杜奇奥居住，几年之后，她又和恩佐、詹纳罗搬回城区。六十六岁时，她从那不勒斯消失，没有留下任何痕迹。
Raffaella Cerullo, called Lina, or Lila.
She was born in August, 1944, and is sixty-six when she disappears from
Naples without a trace. At the age of sixteen, she marries Stefano Carracci,
but during a vacation on Ischia she falls in love with Nino Sarratore, for
whom she leaves her husband. After the disastrous end of her relationship
with Nino, the birth of her son Gennaro (also called Rino), and the discovery
that Stefano is expecting a child with Ada Cappuccio, Lila leaves him
definitively. She moves with Enzo Scanno to San Giovanni a Teduccio, but
several years later she returns to the neighborhood with Enzo and Gennaro.
里诺·赛鲁罗：莉拉的大哥，也是鞋匠。他和斯特凡诺的妹妹——皮诺奇娅·卡拉奇结婚，生了两个孩子。莉拉的第一个孩子——詹纳罗后来也叫里诺。
Rino Cerullo, Lila’s older brother. He is
married to Stefano’s sister, Pinuccia Carracci, with whom he has two sons.
其他孩子。
Other children.
♦格雷科一家（门房的家人）
The Greco family (the porter’s family):
埃莱娜·格雷科：也叫莱农奇娅，或者莱农。她出生于1944年8月，是我们正在读的这本小说的作者。小学毕业之后，她继续读书，学业一帆风顺，成绩优异，后来上了比萨高等师范，并在那里结识了彼得罗·艾罗塔，几年后与之结婚，搬到佛罗伦萨居住。他们生了两个女儿：黛黛和艾尔莎，但埃莱娜对婚姻很失望。她和童年时暗恋的人——尼诺·萨拉托雷开始了一段感情，为他离开了丈夫和两个孩子。
Elena Greco, called Lenuccia or Lenù.
Born in August, 1944, she is the author of the long story that we are
reading. After elementary school, Elena continues to study, with increasing
success, obtaining a degree from the Scuola Normale, in Pisa, where she meets
Pietro Airota. She marries him, and they move to Florence. They have two
children, Adele, called Dede, and Elsa, but Elena, disappointed by marriage,
begins an affair with Nino Sarratore, with whom she has been in love since
childhood, and eventually leaves Pietro and the children.
佩佩、詹尼和埃莉莎：埃莱娜的弟弟妹妹。尽管埃莱娜反对，妹妹埃莉莎还是和马尔切洛·索拉拉同居了。
Peppe, Gianni, and Elisa, Elena’s younger
siblings. Despite Elena’s disapproval, Elisa goes to live with Marcello
Solara.
埃莱娜的父亲：市政府门房。
The father, a porter at the city hall.
母亲：家庭主妇。
The mother, a housewife.
♦卡拉奇一家（堂·阿奇勒的家人）
The Carracci family (Don Achille’s
family):
堂·阿奇勒·卡拉奇：黑帮成员，放高利贷，后来被人杀死。
Don Achille Carracci, dealer in the black
market, loan shark. He was murdered.
玛丽亚·卡拉奇：堂·阿奇勒的妻子，斯特凡诺、皮诺奇娅和阿方索的母亲，斯特凡诺和艾达·卡普乔生的女儿起名叫玛丽亚。
Maria Carracci, wife of Don Achille,
mother of Stefano, Pinuccia, and Alfonso. The daughter of Stefano and Ada
Cappuccio bears her name.
斯特凡诺·卡拉奇：已故的堂·阿奇勒的儿子，商人，莉拉的第一任丈夫。他对于和莉拉糟糕的婚姻生活很不满，就和艾达·卡普乔开始了一段婚外恋，后来和她同居。他有两个孩子：詹纳罗和玛丽亚，詹纳罗是莉拉生的，玛丽亚是艾达生的。
Stefano Carracci, son of Don Achille,
shopkeeper and Lila’s first husband. Dissatisfied by his stormy marriage to
Lila, he initiates a relationship with Ada Cappuccio, and they start living
together. He is the father of Gennaro, with Lila, and of Maria, with Ada.
皮诺奇娅：堂·阿奇勒的女儿，她和莉拉的哥哥里诺结婚了，生了两个孩子。
Pinuccia, daughter of Don Achille. She is
married to Lila’s brother, Rino, and has two sons with him.
阿方索：堂·阿奇勒的儿子，和玛丽莎·萨拉托雷订婚很长时间之后，不得不娶了她。
Alfonso, son of Don Achille. He resigns
himself to marrying Marisa Sarratore after a long engagement.
♦佩卢索一家（木匠的家人）
The Peluso family (the carpenter’s
family):
阿尔佛雷多·佩卢索：木匠，Communist员，后来死在监狱。
Alfredo Peluso, carpenter and Communist,
dies in prison.
朱塞平娜·佩卢索：阿尔佛雷多忠诚的妻子，丈夫死后，她自杀身亡。
Giuseppina Peluso, devoted wife of
Alfredo, commits suicide after his death.
帕斯卡莱·佩卢索：阿尔佛雷多和朱塞平娜的长子，泥瓦匠，Communist积极分子。
Pasquale Peluso, older son of Alfredo and
Giuseppina, construction worker, militant Communist.
卡梅拉·佩卢索：也叫卡门，帕斯卡莱的妹妹，她和恩佐·斯坎诺订婚。但后来和在大路上的加油站工作的一个男人结了婚，生了两个孩子。
Carmela Peluso, called Carmen. Pasquale’s
sister, she was the girlfriend of Enzo Scanno for a long time. She
subsequently marries Roberto, the owner of the gas pump on the stradone, with
whom she has two children.
其他孩子。
Other children.
♦卡普乔一家（疯寡妇的家人）
The Cappuccio family (the mad widow’s
family):
梅莉娜：寡妇，莉拉母亲农齐亚的一个亲戚，曾是多纳托·萨拉托雷的情人，因为这段情感，梅莉娜几乎丧失了理智。
Melina, a widow, a relative of Nunzia
Cerullo. She nearly lost her mind after her relationship with Donato
Sarratore ended.
梅莉娜的丈夫：菜市场卸货工，死因不明。
Melina’s husband, who died in mysterious
circumstances.
艾达·卡普乔：梅莉娜的女儿，一直是帕斯卡莱·佩卢索的女朋友，后来成为斯特凡诺·卡拉奇的情妇，怀孕后，开始和斯特凡诺同居，玛丽亚是他们的女儿。
Ada Cappuccio, Melina’s daughter. For a
long time the girlfriend of Pasquale Peluso, she becomes the lover of Stefano
Carracci, and goes to live with him. From their relationship a girl, Maria,
is born.
安东尼奥·卡普乔：艾达的哥哥，技工，曾是埃莱娜的男朋友。
Antonio Cappuccio, her brother, a
mechanic. He was Elena’s boyfriend.
其他孩子。
Other children.
♦萨拉托雷一家（铁路职工兼诗人的家人）
The Sarratore family (the railway-worker
poet’s family):
多纳托·萨拉托雷：情场老手，行为不检点，曾是梅莉娜·卡普乔的情人。埃莱娜在年少时，为了化解莉拉和尼诺在一起之后带给她的伤痛，曾在海滩上委身于他。
Donato Sarratore, a great womanizer, who
was the lover of Melina Cappuccio. Elena, too, at a very young age, gives
herself to him on the beach in Ischia, driven by the suffering that the
relationship between Nino and Lila has caused her.
莉迪亚·萨拉托雷：多纳托的妻子。
Lidia Sarratore, wife of Donato.
尼诺·萨拉托雷：多纳托和莉迪亚五个孩子中的老大，他和莉拉保持了很长时间的秘密情人关系。之后，他和埃利奥诺拉结婚，生了一个儿子，叫阿尔伯特，但后来和埃莱娜发展了一段婚外恋，这时候埃莱娜已经有两个女儿了。
Nino Sarratore, the oldest of the five
children of Donato and Lidia, has a long secret affair with Lila. Married to
Eleonora, with whom he has Albertino and Lidia, he begins an affair with
Elena, who is also married and has children.
玛丽莎·萨拉托雷：尼诺的妹妹，和阿方索·卡拉奇结婚，后来成为米凯莱·索拉拉的情妇，为米凯莱生了两个儿子。
Marisa Sarratore, sister of Nino. Married
to Alfonso Carracci. She becomes the lover of Michele Solara, with whom she
has two children.
皮诺、克莱利亚以及西罗：多纳托和莉迪亚后面的几个孩子。
Pino, Clelia, and Ciro Sarratore, younger
children of Donato and Lidia.
♦斯坎诺一家（卖水果的一家人）
The Scanno family (the
fruit-and-vegetable seller’s family):
尼科拉·斯坎诺：卖水果的男人，死于肺炎。
Nicola Scanno, fruit-and-vegetable
seller, dies of pneumonia.
阿孙塔·斯坎诺：尼科拉的妻子，死于癌症。
Assunta Scanno, wife of Nicola, dies of
cancer.
恩佐·斯坎诺：尼科拉和阿孙塔的长子，很长时间里都是卡门·佩卢索的男朋友，但后来他服完兵役就和卡门分手了。当莉拉决定彻底离开斯特凡诺时，他把莉拉还有她的孩子接到圣约翰·特杜奇奥居住。
Enzo Scanno, son of Nicola and Assunta,
also a fruit-and-vegetable seller. He was for a long time the boyfriend of
Carmen Peluso. He takes on responsibility for Lila and her son, Gennaro, when
she leaves Stefano Carracci, and takes them to live in San Giovanni a
Teduccio.
其他孩子。
Other children.
♦索拉拉一家（他们家有一家酒吧兼点心房）
The Solara family (the family of the
owner of the Solara bar-pastry shop):
西尔维奥·索拉拉：索拉拉酒吧和点心房的老板。
Silvio Solara, owner of the bar-pastry
shop.
曼努埃拉·索拉拉：西尔维奥的妻子，放高利贷的，年纪很大，被杀死在自家门口。
Manuela Solara, wife of Silvio,
moneylender. As an old woman, she is killed in the doorway of her house.
马尔切洛和米凯莱：西尔维奥和曼努埃拉的儿子，马尔切洛爱上了莉拉，遭到拒绝，多年以后和埃莱娜的妹妹埃莉莎同居。米凯莱和糕点师傅的女儿吉耀拉结婚，和她生了两个儿子，玛丽莎·萨拉托雷是他的情妇，为他生了两个儿子，但他一直对莉拉怀有一种病态的迷恋。
Marcello and Michele Solara, sons of
Silvio and Manuela. Rejected by Lila, Marcello, after many years, goes to
live with Elisa, Elena’s younger sister. Michele, married to Gigliola, the
daughter of the pastry maker, takes Marisa Sarratore as his lover, and has
two more children with her. Yet he continues to be obsessed with Lila.
♦斯帕纽洛一家（糕点师傅的家人）
The Spagnuolo family (the baker’s
family):
斯帕纽洛先生：索拉拉酒吧和点心房的糕点师傅。
Signor Spagnuolo, pastry maker at the
Solaras’ bar-pastry shop.
罗莎·斯帕纽洛：糕点师傅的妻子。
Rosa Spagnuolo, wife of the pastry maker.
吉耀拉·斯帕纽洛：糕点师傅的女儿，米凯莱·索拉拉的妻子，为他生了两个儿子。
Gigliola Spagnuolo, daughter of the
pastry maker, wife of Michele Solara and mother of two of his children.
其他孩子。
Other children.
♦艾罗塔一家
The Airota family:
圭多·艾罗塔：古希腊文学教授。
Guido Airota, professor of Greek
literature.
阿黛尔·艾罗塔：圭多·艾罗塔的妻子。
Adele Airota, his wife.
马丽娅罗莎·艾罗塔：艾罗塔教授的大女儿，在米兰大学教艺术史。
Mariarosa Airota, their daughter,
professor of art history in Milan.
彼得罗·艾罗塔：年轻有为的大学老师，埃莱娜的丈夫，黛黛和艾尔莎的父亲。
Pietro Airota, a very young university
professor, Elena’s husband and the father of Dede and Elsa.
♦几位老师
The teachers:
费拉罗：小学老师，兼任图书馆管理员。
Ferraro, teacher and librarian.
奥利维耶罗：小学女老师。
Maestra Oliviero, teacher.
杰拉切：中学老师。
Professor Gerace, high-school teacher.
加利亚尼：高中老师。
Professor Galiani, high-school teacher.
♦其他人物
Other characters:
吉诺：药剂师的儿子，埃莱娜的第一任男朋友，城区法西斯团伙的头目，在自家的药店前遭到暗杀。
Gino, son of the pharmacist; Elena’s
first boyfriend.
内拉·因卡尔多：奥利维耶罗老师的表姐。
Nella Incardo, the cousin of Maestra
Oliviero.
阿尔曼多：医生，加利亚尼老师的儿子。他和伊莎贝拉结婚，有一个儿子叫做马尔科。
Armando, doctor, son of Professor
Galiani. Married to Isabella, with whom he has a son named Marco.
娜迪雅：女学生，加利亚尼老师的女儿，尼诺曾经的女朋友，在政治活动中，和帕斯卡莱·佩卢索走在一起。
Nadia, student, daughter of Professor
Galiani, was Nino’s girlfriend. During a period of militant political
activity, she becomes attached to Pasquale Peluso.
布鲁诺·索卡沃：尼诺·萨拉托雷的朋友，继承了他父亲的一家香肠厂，后来在工厂里遭到枪杀。
Bruno Soccavo, friend of Nino Sarratore
and the heir to a sausage factory. He is killed in his factory.
弗朗科·马里：埃莱娜刚开始上大学那几年的男朋友。政治活动积极分子，受到法西斯分子的伏击，失去了一只眼睛。
Franco Mari, Elena’s boyfriend during her
first years at the university, has devoted himself to political activism. He
loses an eye in a Fascist attack.
西尔维亚：女大学生，政治积极分子，和尼诺·萨拉托雷有过短暂交往，和他生了一个孩子米尔科。
Silvia, a university student and
political activist. She has a son, Mirko, from a brief relationship with Nino
Sarratore.
壮年 失踪的孩子
MATURITY
1
一九七六年十月我离开那不勒斯，一九七九年才回来。回到那不勒斯后，我一直尽量避免与莉拉联系。我不想和她像之前那样密切，但这并不容易，她想方设法介入我的生活，我无视她，承受她，容忍她。在那个艰难的时刻，她表现出要陪在我身旁，支持我，但我始终无法忘记她对我的鄙夷。
From October 1976 until 1979, when I
returned to Naples to live, I avoided resuming a steady relationship with
Lila. But it wasn’t easy. She almost immediately tried to reenter my life by
force, and I ignored her, tolerated her, endured her. Even if she acted as if
there were nothing she wanted more than to be close to me at a difficult
moment, I couldn’t forget the contempt with which she had treated me.
我通过电话告诉她我和尼诺的事时，她在电话里对我大吼大叫，她说：“你是个笨蛋！”她之前从没用过这种语气对我说话，从来没有过。如今我想，假如伤害我的只是这句话，我可能会很快平静下来。事实上，除了那句骂我的话，她还提到了黛黛和艾尔莎，这一直让我耿耿于怀。她告诫我说：“你不想想，你这样做，会对你的两个女儿造成多大伤害！”我当时没太在意这句话，但随着时间的流逝，这句话不断在我耳边响起，变得越来越有分量。对黛黛和艾尔莎，莉拉从来没表现出一丁点儿兴趣，几乎可以肯定，她甚至都不记得她们的名字。有几次，我在电话里提到她们有趣的童言童语，莉拉会很快岔开话题，说起其他事情。在马尔切洛·索拉拉家里，莉拉第一次见到她们时，她只是漫不经心地看了她们一眼，说了几句客套话，根本就没注意到她们得体的衣着，梳得整整齐齐的头发，尽管年龄小，但两个小姑娘已经能很准确表达自己的想法了。这两个孩子是我生的，我养的，她们是我的一部分，莉拉作为我从小到大的好朋友，她应该满足一下我作为母亲的虚荣，不考虑情谊，至少是出于礼貌，也应该关注一下她们，但她连一句调侃都没有，只是一副漠不关心的样子。只有现在——肯定是出于嫉妒，因为我和尼诺在一起了——她才想起了我的两个女儿。她想强调，我是一个糟糕透顶的母亲，我正在牺牲两个女儿的幸福，换取自己的幸福，我一想到这事儿就觉得很心烦。当年，她离开斯特凡诺时，她考虑过她的儿子吗？她为了工厂的工作，把孩子寄放在邻居家里，或者把孩子寄放在我这里，就像是为了摆脱他，她考虑过孩子的感受吗？啊！我是有我的过错，但作为母亲，我绝对比她强。
Today I think that if it had been only
the insult that wounded me—You’re an idiot, she had shouted on the telephone
when I told her about Nino, and she had never, ever spoken to me like that
before—I would have soon calmed down. In reality, what mattered more than
that offense was the mention of Dede and Elsa. Think of the harm you’re doing
to your daughters, she had warned me, and at the moment I had paid no
attention. But over time those words acquired greater weight, and I returned
to them often. Lila had never displayed the slightest interest in Dede and
Elsa; almost certainly she didn’t even remember their names. If, on the
phone, I mentioned some intelligent remark they had made, she cut me off,
changed the subject. And when she met them for the first time, at the house
of Marcello Solara, she had confined herself to an absentminded glance and a
few pat phrases—she hadn’t paid the least attention to how nicely they were
dressed, how neatly their hair was combed, how well both were able to express
themselves, although they were still small. And yet I had given birth to
them, I had brought them up, they were part of me, who had been her friend
forever: she should have taken this into account—I won’t say out of affection
but at least out of politeness—for my maternal pride. Yet she hadn’t even
attempted a little good-natured sarcasm; she had displayed indifference and
nothing more. Only now—out of jealousy, surely, because I had taken Nino—did
she remember the girls, and wanted to emphasize that I was a terrible mother,
that although I was happy, I was causing them unhappiness. The minute I
thought about it I became anxious. Had Lila worried about Gennaro when she
left Stefano, when she abandoned the child to the neighbor because of her
work in the factory, when she sent him to me as if to get him out of the way?
Ah, I had my faults, but I was certainly more a mother than she was.
2
那些年，类似这样的想法，反复出现在我脑海里。关于黛黛和艾尔莎，莉拉只说过那一句居心叵测的话，但她俨然成了我两个女儿的律师，好像要捍卫她们的权益。我每次只顾着自己，忽略她们时，我就感觉有必要向她表明：事情并非如此。也许那只是她一时说的气话，但我不知道她对于我的真实看法。我是不是一个好母亲，她是唯一有发言权的人，假如她能介入这漫长的叙述，假如她能修改我写的文字，加入那些缺少的环节，去掉一些她不想让人看到内容，她也可以讲述更多我的事情——我不想说的事情，我说不出来的事情。我真希望她能介入，从我开始写下我们的故事时，我就希望她能插手，但我要坚持写到最后再回头证实，她有没有改动过这些文字。假如我现在就这么做的话，我一定会写不下去。我写了太长时间了，我很疲惫。那么多年里纷纷扰扰，发生了大大小小的事情，经历了各种心境，要抓住主线是很难的：我要么回顾一下自己的故事，把那些和莉拉相关的、错综复杂的事情筛选出来；或者退而求其次，讲述发生在我身上的事，这样写起来容易一些。但我必须尽量避免这两种情况：首先，我们俩关系的本质决定了，只有通过我才能抵达她，如果我把自己放在一边，最后的结果是，莉拉的痕迹会很少；其次，我也应该避免过多讲述那些我热衷谈论、但她觉得无关紧要的事情。她也许会对我说：“说吧！说说你现在的生活，谁在乎我啊！说实话，你也不是很在乎吧！”她最后会总结说：“我是一笔糊涂账，错了又改，改了又错，根本不值得写下来。算了，放过我吧，莱农！我的事情都不值得用一个删除号。”
Such thoughts became a habit in those
years. It was as if Lila, who, after all, had uttered only that one malicious
remark about Dede and Elsa, had become the defense lawyer for their needs as
daughters, and, every time I neglected them to devote myself to myself, I
felt obliged to prove to her that she was wrong. But it was a voice invented
by ill feeling; what she really thought of my behavior as a mother I don’t
know. Only she can say if, in fact, she has managed to insert herself into
this extremely long chain of words to modify my text, to purposely supply the
missing links, to unhook others without letting it show, to say of me more
than I want, more than I’m able to say. I wish for this intrusion, I’ve hoped
for it ever since I began to write our story, but I have to get to the end in
order to check all the pages. If I tried now, I would certainly get stuck.
I’ve been writing for too long, and I’m tired; it’s more and more difficult
to keep the thread of the story taut within the chaos of the years, of events
large and small, of moods. So either I tend to pass over my own affairs to
recapture Lila and all the complications she brings with her or, worse, I let
myself be carried away by the events of my life, only because it’s easier to
write them. But I have to avoid this choice. I mustn’t take the first path,
on which, if I set myself aside, I would end up finding ever fewer traces of
Lila—since the very nature of our relationship dictates that I can reach her
only by passing through myself. But I shouldn’t take the second, either.
That, in fact, I speak of my experience in increasingly greater detail is
just what she would certainly favor. Come on—she would say—tell us what turn
your life took, who cares about mine, admit that it doesn’t even interest
you. And she would conclude: I’m a scribble on a scribble, completely
unsuitable for one of your books; forget it, Lenù, one doesn’t tell the story
of an erasure.
那怎么办呢？再次顺着她的意思？接受这样一个事实：成熟意味着停止展示自己，学会隐藏自己，甚至从这个世界上消失？我应该承认这样一个事实：年岁越大，我对莉拉的了解就越少？
What to do, then? Admit yet again that
she’s right? Accept that to be adult is to disappear, is to learn to hide to
the point of vanishing? Admit that, as the years pass, the less I know of
Lila?
今天早上，我克制着自己，强打起精神，坐到写字台前开始写作。我将要写到我们的故事中最痛苦的一段，我想要通过文字实现一种平衡——我和她之间的平衡，这是在生活中，我和我自己之间都没能达到的。
This morning I keep weariness at bay and
sit down again at the desk. Now that I’m close to the most painful part of
our story, I want to seek on the page a balance between her and me that in
life I couldn’t find even between myself and me.
3
关于蒙彼利埃，我基本没有关于这个城市风光的任何记忆，就好像我从来都没去过一样，但我记得那里发生的所有一切。在宾馆外面，尼诺参加研讨会的宏伟大礼堂之外，如今，我看到的是一个刮风的秋季，天高云淡。尽管如此，在我的记忆里，出于各种各样的原因，这个城市的名字——蒙彼利埃，对我依然是一种逃离的象征。我当时已经出过一次国了，我和弗朗科去过巴黎，我的大胆让自己都很振奋，但那时我感觉我的世界仅限于城区、那不勒斯，而这个世界的其他地方，我只能像郊游一样浅尝辄止。外面的氛围，让我可以想象自己永远不可能过上的生活。蒙彼利埃虽然远没有巴黎那么激动人心，但它给我的感觉是，我的世界的界限被打破了，变得更宽广。仅仅是身处于蒙彼利埃，就让我亲眼看到，我的城区、那不勒斯、比萨、佛罗伦萨、米兰，甚至整个意大利，都是这个世界很小的一部分，我对这些小地方感觉不满是正常的。跨越边境是一件非常神奇的事儿，沉浸于别的文化里，会发现之前以为是定局的事情，其实是暂时的。在蒙彼利埃，我发现自己之前目光短浅，还有写作采用的语言很局限。那年我三十二岁，我明显感觉到：作为母亲和妻子，我的处境很逼仄。在蒙彼利埃，在沉迷于强烈爱情的那些天里，我第一次感觉到，我摆脱了那些年来一直束缚着我的东西，那些东西部分源于我的出身，部分是我通过学习构建起来的束缚，还有我所选择的生活带来的羁绊，首先是我的婚姻。在那里，我明白了过去我的第一本书被翻译成外语时我感到喜悦的原因，我也明白了我的书在意大利之外没有市场的原因。相比而言，莉拉从来都没离开过那不勒斯，她甚至对圣约翰·特杜奇奥也心怀畏惧。假如在过去，我觉得这不容置疑——就像她通常做的那些选择，可以使她转败为胜，但现在我觉得，那都是她思想局限的表现。我当时的反应，就像一个被羞辱了的人，想用同样的话回敬对方：“亲爱的，看看我现在，你没看走眼吧？但我却看错你了：你情愿一辈子都待在大路边上，看着那些经过的卡车。”
Of the days in Montpellier I remember
everything except the city; it’s as if I’d never been there. Outside the
hotel, outside the vast assembly hall where the academic conference that Nino
was attending took place, today I see only a windy autumn and a blue sky
resting on white clouds. And yet in my memory that place-name, Montpellier,
has for many reasons remained a symbol of escape. I had been out of Italy
once, in Paris, with Franco, and I had felt exhilarated by my own audacity.
But then it seemed to me that my world was and would forever remain the
neighborhood, Naples, while the rest was like a brief outing in whose special
climate I could imagine myself as I would never in fact be. Montpellier, on
the other hand, although it was far less exciting than Paris, gave me the
impression that my boundaries had burst and I was expanding. The pure and
simple fact of being in that place constituted in my eyes the proof that the
neighborhood, Naples, Pisa, Florence, Milan, Italy itself were only tiny fragments
of the world and that I would do well not to be satisfied with those
fragments any longer. In Montpellier I felt the limitations of my outlook, of
the language in which I expressed myself and in which I had written. In
Montpellier it seemed to me evident how restrictive, at thirty-two, being a
wife and mother might be. And in all those days charged with love I felt, for
the first time, freed from the chains I had accumulated over the years—those
of my origins, those I had acquired through academic success, those derived
from the choices I had made in life, especially marriage. There I also
understood the reasons for the pleasure I had felt, in the past, on seeing my
first book translated into other languages and, at the same time, the reasons
for my disappointment at finding few readers outside Italy. It was marvelous
to cross borders, to let oneself go within other cultures, discover the
provisional nature of what I had taken for absolute. The fact that Lila had
never been out of Naples, that she was afraid even of San Giovanni a
Teduccio—if in the past I had judged it an arguable choice that she was
nevertheless able, as usual, to turn into an advantage—now seemed to me
simply a sign of mental limitation. I reacted the way you do to someone who
insults you by using the same formulations that offended you. You were wrong
about me? No, my dear, it’s I, I who was wrong about you: you will spend the
rest of your life looking out at the trucks passing on the stradone.
日子一天天过得飞快。研讨会的组织者早就给尼诺在一家宾馆里定了一个单间，因为我很晚才决定陪他来，没办法换成一间拥有大床的房间，因此我们俩住在两个房间。但每天晚上我洗了澡，打扮好自己，脸红心跳地来到他的房间。我们一起睡觉，我们紧紧拥抱在一起，就好像害怕在睡梦中会被什么东西分开。早上，我们让人把早餐送到床前，享受着在电影里看到的奢华生活，我们一直都在欢笑，我们在一起很幸福。白天，我陪他去召开研讨会的大厅，那些发言的人总是用一种有些厌烦的语气，念着一页又一页的稿子，但和他在一起让我很振奋，我坐在他身边，尽量不打扰他。尼诺很专心地听着那些发言，做笔记，时不时会在我耳边说一些风趣话，还有甜言蜜语。我们和来自全世界各地的学者在一起吃午饭和晚饭，异国的名字，还有各种外语在耳边此起彼伏。当然了，那些最有名望的学者会单独坐一桌，我们和一些年轻学者坐在一起。无论是在开研讨会时，还是在餐厅里，尼诺的活跃让我很吃惊，他和当学生的时期是多么不同啊！他和大约十年前，在米兰的书店里捍卫我的那个年轻男人也不一样了。他不再采用那种挑衅的语气，他很自如地跨越了学术界的等级界限，他用一种带着一丝严肃，同时又很客气的语气和别人聊天。他有时候用英语（说得极好），有时候用法语（说得不错）和别人说话，非常潇洒地展示着他对于数字和效率的热爱。在短短几个小时里，他赢得了所有人的好感，他们都拉着他说话。大家都很喜欢他，这让我感到很骄傲。
The days flew by. The organizers of the
conference had reserved for Nino a single room in the hotel, and since I had
decided so late to go with him, there was no way to change it to a double. So
we had separate rooms, but every night I took a shower, got ready for bed,
and then, with trepidation, went to his room. We slept together, clinging to
each other, as if we feared that a hostile force would separate us in sleep.
In the morning we had breakfast in bed, a luxury that I had seen only in
movies; we laughed, we were happy. During the day I went with him to the
assembly hall and, although the speakers read their endless pages in a bored
tone, being with him was exciting; I sat next to him but without disturbing
him. Nino followed the talks attentively, took notes, and every so often
whispered in my ear ironic comments and words of love. At lunch and dinner we
mixed with academics from all over the world, foreign names, foreign
languages. Of course, the participants with bigger reputations were at a table
of their own; we sat in a large group of younger scholars. But I was struck
by Nino’s mobility, both during the events and at the restaurants. How
different he was from the student of long ago, even from the youth who had
defended me in the bookstore in Milan almost ten years earlier. He had
abandoned polemical tones, he tactfully crossed academic barriers,
established relations with a serious yet engaging demeanor. Now in English
(excellent), now in French (good), he conversed brilliantly, displaying his
old devotion to figures and efficiency. I was filled with pride at how well
liked he was. In a few hours he had charmed everyone, and was invited here
and there.
后来，在他发言的前一天晚上，他忽然没那么愉快了。他变得很失礼，很难相处，我觉得他太紧张了。他说他准备的稿子很糟糕，好几次都强调，写作对于他来说，不像对我而言那么容易。他还发火说，他没有足够的时间准备。我想，这是因为我们复杂的处境让他分心了吗？我觉得很愧疚，我试着拥抱他，亲吻他，让他把稿子念给我听。他对我念了那几页纸，像一个充满忧虑的小学生，他让我变得心软。我觉得，他的稿子并不比我在报告厅听的那些发言有趣，但我说了很多赞扬他的话，让他平静下来了。第二天早上，他用一种佯装的激情念了稿子，大家都为他鼓了掌。晚上，有一个美国知名学者，邀请尼诺和他坐在一起，虽然我被抛下，但我并不难过。尼诺在我跟前时，我从不和其他人说话，他不在我身边，我不得不用费劲的法语，和一对来自巴黎的男女聊天。我很快发现，他们的处境和我们差不多。两个人都觉得，家庭让人很压抑，他们都忍痛离开了自己的配偶和孩子，现在两人都看起来很幸福。那个男的叫奥古斯汀，大约五十多岁，脸红扑扑的，金色的大胡子，他天蓝色的眼睛炯炯有神。女的叫科隆布，和我年龄差不多，三十岁出头，她的头发是黑色的、很短，脸很小，眼睛和嘴唇的妆容很精致，非常优雅。科隆布有一个七岁的儿子，我一直和她聊天儿。
There was a single moment when he changed
abruptly. The evening before he was to speak at the conference, he became
aloof and rude; he seemed overwhelmed by anxiety. He began to disparage the
text he had prepared, he kept repeating that writing for him wasn’t as easy
as it was for me, he became angry because he hadn’t had time to work well. I
felt guilty—was it our complicated affair that had distracted him?—and tried
to help, hugging him, kissing him, urging him to read me the pages. He did
read them, with the air of a frightened schoolboy, which touched me. To me
the speech seemed as dull as the ones I had heard in the assembly hall, but I
praised it and he calmed down. The next morning he performed with practiced
warmth and was applauded. That evening one of the big-name academics, an
American, invited him to sit with him. I was left alone, but I wasn’t sorry.
When Nino was there, I didn’t talk to anyone, while in his absence I was
forced to manage with my halting French, and I became friendly with a couple
from Paris. I liked them because I quickly discovered that they were in a
situation not very different from ours. Both considered the institution of
the family suffocating, both had painfully left spouses and children, both
seemed happy. He, Augustin, was around fifty, with a ruddy face, lively blue
eyes, a bushy pale-blond mustache. She, Colombe, was a little over thirty,
like me; she had very short black hair, eyes and lips drawn sharply on a tiny
face, a charming elegance. I talked mainly to Colombe, who had a child of
seven.
“再过几个月，”我说，“我大女儿就七岁了，她已经上小学二年级了，学习非常好。”
“In a few months,” I said, “my older
daughter will turn seven, but she’s going into second grade this year—she’s
very bright.”
“我儿子也很聪明，想象力很丰富。”
“My son is extremely clever and
imaginative.”
“你们分开，他有什么反应？”
“How did he take the separation?”
“没什么问题。”
“Fine.”
“他一点儿也不痛苦吗？”
“He didn’t get even a little upset?”
“孩子和大人不一样，大人思想很僵死，但孩子弹性很大，适应能力很强。”
“Children aren’t rigid, the way we are:
they’re flexible.”
她一直都在强调儿童的适应能力，我觉得她是想让自己放心。她补充说：“在我们的环境里，父母分开很普遍，孩子也都比较容易接受。”我正要说，在我周围，除了我一个朋友，没有其他离婚的夫妇。但她忽然改变了语气，开始抱怨起那个孩子：“他很乖，但反应很慢。”她感叹说，在学校里，老师说他很不够认真。她那种毫不留情的语气让我很意外，她几乎带着敌意提到这些，就好像她儿子表现不好，是为了对她表示不敬，这让我觉得很不安。她的情人应该也意识到了这一点，他插了一句，用炫耀的语气说到了他的两个儿子：一个十四岁，一个十八岁。他开玩笑说，这俩儿子喜欢所有女人，无论是小姑娘还是成熟女人。当尼诺回到我身边，两个男人——尤其是奥古斯汀——说了大部分发言人的坏话。科隆布带着一种有点轻浮的愉快，加入了他们的谈话。几个人一起抱怨、拆台，这很快让他们变得很亲密。奥古斯汀整个晚上都在喝酒，说了很多话，尼诺一张嘴，科隆布就会笑起来。最后，他们邀请我们一起开车去巴黎。
She dwelled on the flexibility she
ascribed to childhood; it seemed to reassure her. She added: in our world
it’s fairly common for parents to separate, and children know it’s possible.
But just as I was saying that I didn’t know other separated women, apart from
one friend, her tone changed abruptly and she began to complain about the
child: he’s smart but slow, she exclaimed, at school they say he’s unruly. I
was struck by the change; she expressed herself without tenderness, almost
bitterly, as if her son were behaving like that to spite her, and this made
me anxious. Her companion must have noticed, and he interrupted, boasting
about his two boys, fourteen and eighteen, and joking about how attractive
they were to women, both old and young. When Nino returned, the two
men—especially Augustin—began to criticize the speakers. Colombe joined in
almost immediately, with a slightly artificial gaiety. The maliciousness soon
created a bond. Augustin talked and drank a lot all evening, his companion
laughed whenever Nino managed to say a word. They invited us to drive to
Paris with them, in their car.
他们的邀请，我们没答应，也没拒绝，但谈论到孩子，这让我回到了现实。其实，我脑子里一直想着黛黛和艾尔莎，也想着彼得罗，他们就好像生活在一个平行世界里，在佛罗伦萨的厨房餐桌前坐着，在电视前，或者在床上，一动不动。忽然间，我的世界和他们的世界联系起来了，我意识到，在蒙彼利埃的日子快要结束了，我和尼诺无法避免要回到各自的家里。我在佛罗伦萨，他在那不勒斯，我们不得不面对各自的婚姻危机。孩子们会和我团聚，那是一种真实的身体接触，我的感觉很强烈。这五天，我不知道她们怎么样了，我意识到她们的存在，这让我感到一阵强烈的眩晕，那种思念让人受不了。我并不是害怕未来怎么办，我的未来已经被尼诺占据了，这是绝对肯定的事，但我害怕马上要到来的时刻，就是明天，后天。那时候已经是半夜了，我没法抑制自己。我想，这有什么要紧的呢，彼得罗总是不睡觉，我试着给家里打了电话。
The conversation about children, and that
invitation that we didn’t say yes or no to, brought me back to reality. Until
that moment Dede and Elsa, and also Pietro, had been on my mind constantly,
but as if suspended in a parallel universe, motionless around the kitchen
table in Florence, or in front of the television, or in their beds. Suddenly
my world and theirs were back in communication. I realized that the days in
Montpellier were about to end, that inevitably Nino and I would return to our
homes, that we would have to face our respective marital crises, I in
Florence, he in Naples. And the children’s bodies rejoined mine, I felt the
contact violently. I had no news of them for five days, and as I became aware
of that I felt an intense nausea, an unbearable longing for them. I was
afraid not of the future in general, which now seemed inescapably occupied by
Nino, but of the hours that were about to come, of tomorrow, of the day
after. I couldn’t resist and although it was almost midnight—what’s the
difference, I said to myself, Pietro is always awake—I tried to telephone.
经过一通周折，才打通了电话。喂，我说。喂，我又重复了一遍。我知道彼得罗在电话那头，我叫了他的名字：“彼得罗，我是埃莱娜，两个孩子怎么样了？”这时候，电话断了。我等了几分钟，让接线员重新打过去。我下定决心要坚持一个晚上，但这次彼得罗说话了：
It was fairly laborious, but finally the
call went through. Hello, I said. Hello, I repeated. I knew that Pietro was
at the other end of the line, I called him by name: Pietro, it’s Elena, how
are the girls. The connection was cut off. I waited a few minutes, then I
asked the operator to call again. I was determined to continue all night, but
this time Pietro answered.
“你想要干什么？”
“What do you want?”
“两个孩子怎么样了。”
“Tell me about the children.”
“她们在睡觉。”
“They’re sleeping.”
“我知道她们在睡觉，她们好吗？”
“I know, but how are they?”
“这跟你有什么关系？”
“What is it to you.”
“她们是我的女儿。”
“They’re my children.”
“你把她们抛弃了，她们再也不想做你的女儿了。”
“You left them, they don’t want to be
your children anymore.”
“是她们告诉你的？”
“They told you?”
“她们告诉了我母亲。”
“They told my mother.”
“你让阿黛尔来家里了？”
“You had Adele come?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“你告诉她们，我过两天回去。”
“Tell them I’ll be home in a few days.”
“不，你别回来了。我、两个孩子，还有我母亲，我们都不想再看到你。”
“No, don’t come back. Neither I, nor the
children, nor my mother wants to see you again.”
4
我哭了一场，后来我平静下来了。我去找尼诺，我想告诉他我打电话的事儿，我想让他安慰我。正要敲门时，我听见他在和人说话，我犹豫了一下。我听见他在打电话，但听不见他在说什么，我也听不出来他在说什么语言，但我马上想到，他正在给妻子打电话。因此，每天晚上他都会打电话给妻子？当我回到我的房间里，为入睡做准备，他单独一个人时，会打电话给埃利奥诺拉？他们想找到一种没有冲突的方式分开？或者他们正在和解，在蒙彼利埃的这几天结束之后，她会接受尼诺回到自己身边？
I had a cry, then I calmed down and went
to Nino. I wanted to tell him about that phone call, I wanted him to console
me. But as I was about to knock on his door I heard him talking to someone. I
hesitated. He was on the phone. I couldn’t understand what he was saying, or
even what language he was speaking, but right away I thought that he was
talking to his wife. So did this happen every evening? When I went to my room
to get ready for the night and he was alone, he telephoned Eleonora? Were
they looking for a way to separate without fighting? Or were they reconciling
and, once the interlude of Montpellier was over, she would take him back?
我决定敲门，尼诺的声音停了下来，一阵沉默，然后他又压低了声音，接着说话。我变得很着急，又敲了一次门，他还是没开门。我不得不用力地敲了第三次，他才给我开了门。门一开，我就开始指责他，我直接说，他对我隐瞒他妻子的事儿。我叫喊着说，我给彼得罗打电话了，我丈夫再也不让我见两个女儿，我的全部生活都搭进去了，但他却偷偷摸摸给埃利奥诺拉打电话。那是一个充满矛盾和争吵的夜晚，我们很难和好。尼诺用尽一切办法想让我平静下来，他很神经质地笑着，他为彼得罗的态度感到愤怒，他吻了我，我推开了他。他嘀咕了一句，说我疯了。但无论我怎么逼他，他都不承认他在和妻子打电话，相反，他用儿子的性命发誓，说离开那不勒斯之后，就再也没有和她打过电话。
I decided to knock. Nino broke off,
silence, then he began talking again but lowered his voice. I became nervous,
I knocked again, nothing happened. I had to knock a third time, hard, before
he came to the door. I immediately confronted him, I accused him of hiding me
from his wife, I cried that I had telephoned Pietro, that my husband didn’t
want to let me see my children, that I was calling into question my entire
life, while he was cooing on the telephone with Eleonora. It was a terrible
night of quarreling; we struggled to make up. Nino tried everything to soothe
me: he laughed nervously, he got angry at Pietro for the way he had treated
me, he kissed me, I pushed him away, he said I was crazy. But no matter how I
pressed him he never admitted that he was talking to his wife, in fact he
swore on his son that since the day he left Naples he hadn’t talked to her.
“那你给谁打电话啊？”
“Then who were you calling?”
“一个学者，也住在这家宾馆。”
“A colleague here in the hotel.”
“半夜打？”
“At midnight?”
“就是半夜。”
“At midnight.”
“你撒谎！”
“Liar.”
“这是事实。”
“It’s the truth.”
我拒绝和他做爱，抵抗了很长时间，但后来让步了，因为我害怕他不再爱我。我献身于他，就是为了不用考虑：这一切已经结束了。
I refused for a long time to make love, I
couldn’t, I was afraid that he no longer loved me. Then I yielded, in order
not to have to believe that it was all already over.
第二天早上，我醒来后心情就很坏，这是五天的同居生活之后，我第一次感觉很糟糕。研讨会已经接近尾声，我们要走了，但我不希望蒙彼利埃只是我生活中的一个插曲，我害怕回家，我害怕尼诺回他自己的家。奥古斯汀和科隆布建议我们一起坐车去巴黎，他们甚至说，我们可以住他们家里，我对尼诺说我想去。我希望他和我一样，只想延长那段时间，推迟回家，但他很遗憾地摇了摇头说，这不可能，我们要回意大利。他提到了飞机、机票、火车和钱的问题。我内心很脆弱，我既失望又恼怒。我看得没错，我想，他对我说谎了，他没有彻底和妻子断绝关系。他真是每天晚上都和妻子讲电话，在研讨会结束之后，他很着急回家，连两三天也不能耽搁，但我呢？
The next morning, for the first time in
almost five days of living together, I woke in a bad mood. We had to leave,
the conference was nearly over. But I didn’t want Montpellier to be merely an
interlude; I was afraid to go home, afraid that Nino would go home, afraid of
losing my children forever. When Augustin and Colombe again suggested that we
drive to Paris with them, and even offered to put us up, I turned to Nino,
hoping that he, too, wanted nothing more than the chance to extend this time,
put off the return. But he shook his head sadly, he said: Impossible, we have
to go back to Italy, and he talked about flights, tickets, trains, money. I
was fragile, I felt disappointment and rancor. I was right, I thought, he
lied to me, the break with his wife isn’t conclusive. He had talked to her
every night, he had pledged to return home after the conference, he couldn’t
delay even a couple of days. And me?
我想起了南泰尔的出版社，还有我写的那个关于男人捏造女人的故事。直到那时候，我从来都没和任何人说起过我自己，我和尼诺也没说过这家出版社。那几天里，我只是一个面带微笑、一声不吭的女人，晚上和那个年轻有为的那不勒斯教授睡在一起，一个总是粘着他，对他无微不至、百依百顺的女人。但现在，我用一种佯装的愉快语气说：“尼诺要回家去，我在南泰尔有点事儿；我有一本书正在出版——也可能已经出来了，那是一本介乎于小说和杂文之间的东西；我有点儿想和你们一起走，去出版社拜访一下。”那两个人看着我，就好像只有在那时候，他们才真的认识我一样，他们问我做什么工作。我对他们讲了我的写作，说来说去，我发现，科隆布认识那家小出版社的主编，这时候我才发现，那并不是一家不起眼的出版社。我整个人很放松，我想，随他去吧！我有些过于热情地谈到了我的写作生涯，也许有些夸大其词。我并不是说给那两个法国人听的，而是做给尼诺看的。我想让他记着，我的生活很有成就，假如我有勇气离开我的两个女儿和彼得罗，那我离开他也能活，不是在一个星期之后，也不是在十天之后，马上离开他都可以。
I remembered the publisher in Nanterre
and my short, scholarly story about the male invention of woman. Until that
moment I hadn’t talked about myself to anyone, even Nino. I had been the
smiling but nearly mute woman who slept with the brilliant professor from
Naples, the woman always pasted to him, attentive to his needs, to his
thoughts. But now I said with false cheer: It’s Nino who has to return, I
have an engagement in Nanterre; a work of mine is about to come out—or maybe
it’s already out—a half essay, half story; I just might leave with you, and
stop in at the publisher’s. The two looked at me as if only at that moment
had I actually begun to exist, and they went on to ask me about my work. I
told them, and it turned out that Colombe knew well the woman who was the
head of the small but—as I discovered at that moment—prestigious publishing
house. I let myself go, I talked with too much vivacity and maybe I
exaggerated a little about my literary career. I did it not for the two
French people but, rather, for Nino. I wanted to remind him that I had a
rewarding life of my own, that if I had been capable of leaving my children
and Pietro, then I could also do without him, and not in a week, not in ten
days: immediately.
尼诺听我说完，很严肃地对科隆布和奥古斯汀说：“好吧，假如不打扰你们的话，那我们就搭你们的顺风车。”但我们单独在一起时，他跟我说了一通话，语气很焦虑，内容充满激情。他说，我应该相信他，尽管我们的处境非常复杂，但一定能理清，为了把这些事情处理好，我们要先回家。我们不能从蒙彼利埃逃到巴黎去，然后不知道要逃到哪个城市。我们需要面对各自的家庭，才能最后生活在一起。忽然间，我觉得他说得有道理，而且也很诚恳。我脑子很乱，我拥抱了他，嘟哝着说，好吧。然而，我们还是去了巴黎，我只想在外面多待几天。
He listened, then he said seriously to
Colombe and Augustin: All right, if it’s not a bother for you we’ll take
advantage of the ride. But when we were alone he made me a speech anxious in
tone and passionate in content, whose sense was that I should trust him, that
although our situation was complicated we would surely untangle it, that to
do so, however, we had to go home, we couldn’t flee from Montpellier to Paris
and then to who knows what other city, we had to confront our spouses and
begin our life together. Suddenly I felt that he was not only reasonable but
sincere. I was confused, I embraced him, I murmured agreement. And yet we
left for Paris; I wanted just a few more days.
5
我们在路上走了很长时间，风很大，时不时会下雨，路上的风景很黯淡，像生锈了一样，但忽然间天会放晴，照得每样东西都熠熠生辉，然后又接着下雨。一路上，我都紧紧地挨着尼诺，有时候我会靠着他的肩膀睡觉，我又感觉到一种超乎寻常的幸福，几乎是一种享受。我喜欢车里大家说的外国语言，我很高兴，我是奔着我写的那本书去的，因为马丽娅罗莎的缘故，这本书会用另一种语言面世。真是一件很棒的事儿！有那么多了不起的事儿发生在我身上。我感觉，那本小书就像我撇出去的一颗石子儿，速度很快，我无法预测它的轨迹，小时候我和莉拉扔向那帮男孩子的石头和这没法儿比。
It was a long trip. There was a strong
wind, and sometimes rain. The landscape had a rust-caked pallor, but at times
the sky broke and everything became brilliant, starting with the rain. I
clung to Nino and, now and then, fell asleep on his shoulder; I began again
to feel, with pleasure, that I was far beyond my margins. I liked the foreign
language that echoed in the car, I was pleased that I was heading in the
direction of a book that I had written in Italian and that, thanks to
Mariarosa, was being published first in another language. What an
extraordinary fact—how many amazing things were happening to me. That little
volume was like a rock that I had hurled along an unpredictable trajectory
and at a speed that had no comparison with that of the rocks that as girls
Lila and I had thrown at the gangs of boys.
但整个旅行并不是一帆风顺，我时不时会陷入忧伤。我很快就发现，尼诺和科隆布说话时，用的语气和跟奥古斯汀说话时不一样，更不用说他经常用手指尖触碰她的肩膀。看到他们越来越熟悉，我的心情越来越坏。当我们到达巴黎时，我们的关系已经很亲密了，他们聊得热火朝天，科隆布经常笑，用一种不经意的动作整理头发。
But the journey wasn’t always pleasant;
sometimes I became sad. And I quickly formed the impression that Nino was
talking to Colombe in a tone that he didn’t use with Augustin, not to mention
that too often he touched her shoulder with his fingertips. My bad mood
gradually worsened, as I saw the two of them were getting very friendly. When
we arrived in Paris they were the best of friends, chatting away; she laughed
often, smoothing her hair with a careless gesture.
奥古斯汀住在圣马丹河旁的一套漂亮的房子里，科隆布刚刚搬过去和他一起住。他们给我们展示了晚上要住的客房，但没让我们去睡觉。我感觉，他们好像害怕单独在一起，他们说个没完没了。我很疲惫，也很烦恼，是我想去巴黎的，但我感觉，身处那套房子，在陌生人家里，这是一件很荒谬的事情。我远离两个女儿，尼诺也一点儿也不在意我。我们一到房间，我就问他：
Augustin lived in a nice apartment on
Canal Saint-Martin; Colombe had recently moved in. Even after they showed us
our room, they wouldn’t let us to go bed. It seemed to me that they were
afraid to be alone, they wouldn’t stop talking. I was tired and nervous; I
was the one who had wanted to go to Paris, and now it seemed absurd to be in
that house, among strangers, far from my daughters, with Nino paying scant
attention to me. Once in the room I asked him:
“你喜欢科隆布？”
“Do you like Colombe?”
“她很热情。”
“She’s nice.”
“我问的是你喜不喜欢她。”
“I asked if you like her.”
“你想和我吵架吗？”
“Do you want to quarrel?”
“不想。”
“No.”
“那你就考虑一下：我爱你，我怎么能喜欢科隆布？”
“Then think about it: how can I like
Colombe if I love you?”
他语气变得有点儿强硬，让我有些害怕，我担心我发现我们之间存在问题。我想，他只是对我们很热心的人态度很好，我睡了过去，但我睡得一点儿也不踏实。我忽然觉得自己是一个人睡在床上，我竭力想醒过来，但后来又睡了过去，过了一会儿，我又感觉到尼诺站在黑暗中，他说，睡吧，我就睡着了。
It scared me when his tone became even
slightly harsh; I was afraid I would have to acknowledge that something
between us wasn’t working. He is simply nice to anyone who has been nice to
us, I said to myself, and fell asleep. But I slept badly. At one point I had
the impression that I was alone in the bed; I tried to wake up, but was drawn
back into sleep. I emerged again sometime later. Nino now was standing in the
dark, or so it seemed to me. Sleep, he said. I fell asleep again.
第二天，两个主人陪我们去南泰尔。尼诺一路上都在和科隆布开玩笑，说一些很暧昧的话，我尽量不在意这一点。假如我要时时刻刻监视着他，那怎么能想着和他一起生活？当我们到达了目的地，他对马丽娅罗莎的朋友——出版社的女主编，还有她的另一个合作者也很殷勤，她们一个六十多岁，另一个四十多岁，都不像科隆布那么秀丽，我松了一口气。我最后总结说，他在女人面前就是这样的，这里面没有恶意，我终于觉得心里舒服些了。
The next day our hosts took us to
Nanterre. The whole way Nino continued to joke with Colombe, to talk to her
in an allusive way. I tried not to pay attention. How could I think of living
with him if I had to spend my time watching him? When we reached our
destination and he became genial and charming with Mariarosa’s friend, the
owner of the publishing house, and her partner—one around forty, the other
sixty—I drew a sigh of relief. It’s innocent, I concluded, he’s like that
with all women. And finally I felt better.
那两位女士对我很热情，她们问到了马丽娅罗莎。我得知，我的那本书已经上架了，而且已经出现了一些评论。那个年老一些的女人给我看了那些评论，她对科隆布、奥古斯汀和尼诺不停说，我的书收到的评论如此积极让她也很吃惊。我看了那些文章，这里几行，那里几行，都是女性写的——我从来都没有听说过她们的名字，但科隆布和那两位太太都知道，她们真的是不遗余力地在赞美那本书。我应该感觉到高兴，前一天我还不得不吹嘘自己，但现在已经不需要那么做了。但我发现，我没法振奋起来，就好像从我和尼诺开始相爱的那一刻起，我身上的那些精彩的事儿，还有将要发生的所有事儿都变得黯然失色。我很得体地表达了我的满意，对于出版社的推广计划，我很淡然地说了几个“好的”。那个年纪大一点儿的女士说：“您要早点再回来和我们会面，我们希望您能早点来。”那个年轻的女人补充说：“马丽娅罗莎跟我们说了您的婚姻危机，我们希望您能顺利渡过难关。”
The two women greeted me warmly, full of
praise, and asked about Mariarosa. I knew that my volume had only just
arrived in the bookstores, but already a couple of reviews had appeared. The
older woman showed them to me; she seemed amazed herself at how positive they
were, and, turning to Colombe, to Augustin, to Nino, she kept repeating it. I
read the articles, two lines here, four there. They were written by women—I
had never heard of them, but Colombe and the two women had—and they praised
the book enthusiastically. I should have been pleased; the day before, I had
been compelled to sing my own praises, and now I no longer needed to. Yet I
found that I couldn’t feel excited. It was as if, since I loved Nino and he
loved me, that love made everything good that happened to me and would happen
to me nothing but a pleasant secondary effect. I showed my satisfaction
graciously and gave a feeble assent to my publishers’ plans for promotion.
You’ll have to return soon, the older woman exclaimed, or at least we hope
so. The younger added: Mariarosa told us about your marital crisis; we hope
you’ll come out of it without too much suffering.
这时候我发现，我和彼得罗婚姻破裂的事情，不仅仅把阿黛尔卷入其中，而且这个消息还传到了米兰，甚至是法国。我想，这样最好，能让我们分得痛快点儿。我对自己说：该发生什么事儿就发生吧，我不应该在担心失去尼诺的忧虑中生活，我也不应该为黛黛和艾尔莎操心。我很幸运，尼诺一直都会爱我，我的女儿都还是我的女儿，一切都会理顺的。
In this way I discovered that the news of
the break between me and Pietro had reached not only Adele but Milan and even
France. Better that way, I thought; it will be easier to make the separation
permanent. I said to myself: I’ll take what’s mine, and I mustn’t live in
fear of losing Nino, I mustn’t worry about Dede and Elsa. I’m fortunate, he
will always love me, my daughters are my daughters, everything will work out.
6
我们回到了罗马，告别前，我们信誓旦旦，一直在说保证的话，尼诺回那不勒斯了，我回了佛罗伦萨。
We returned to Rome. We promised each
other everything as we said goodbye, we did nothing but promise. Then Nino
left for Naples and I for Florence.
我几乎是踮着脚尖回到家里的，我确信自己要面对人生中最艰难的时刻，但两个女儿都欢天喜地地迎接了我。在家里，我走到哪儿，她们都跟着我——不仅仅是艾尔莎，黛黛也跟着我，她们有些警惕，就好像一不留神，我就会消失。阿黛尔对我很客气，她一次也没提到我给我的家庭带来的灾难。彼得罗很苍白，他只是给了我一张纸，上面写着几个给我打了电话的人的名字（莉拉出现了四次），他嘟哝着说，他要出一趟差，两个小时之后他就消失了，跟他母亲和两个女儿都没打招呼。
I returned home almost on tiptoe,
convinced that one of the most difficult trials of my life awaited me.
Instead the children greeted me with apprehensive joy, and began tagging
after me through the house—not only Elsa but Dede, too—as if they were afraid
that if they lost sight of me I would disappear again. Adele was polite and
didn’t mention even once the situation that had brought her to my house;
Pietro, very pale, confined himself to handing me a piece of paper with a
list of phone calls for me (Lila’s name appeared at least four times),
muttered that he had to go to work, and two hours later had disappeared,
without even saying goodbye to his mother or the children.
过了几天，阿黛尔才向我表明了她的态度：她希望我清醒一些，回到我丈夫的身边。我用了几个星期时间让她明白，我既不想清醒，也不想回到我丈夫身边。在这一段时间里，她从来都没有抬高过嗓门，没有失去耐性，也从来没讽刺我和尼诺之间长时间的、频繁的通话。她对于南泰尔那两位编辑的电话倒是很感兴趣，她们告诉我那本书的进展，还有在法国将要举办的读者见面会的日期。法国报纸对我的好评没让阿黛尔惊讶，她说，这本书在意大利一定会引起关注，在国内报纸上肯定会有更多好评。尤其是，她一直在赞扬我的智慧、文化和勇气。现在彼得罗一直都不出现，她从来都没说什么捍卫儿子的话。
It took a few days for Adele to manifest
her opinion plainly: she wanted me to return to myself and to my husband. But
it took several weeks to convince her that I really didn’t want either of
those things. In that time she never raised her voice, never lost her temper,
didn’t even comment sarcastically about my frequent long phone calls to Nino.
She was more interested in the phone calls from the two women in Nanterre,
who were keeping me informed of the progress of the book and of a calendar of
engagements that would lead to a tour in France. She wasn’t surprised at the
positive reviews in the French papers; she was sure that the book would soon
get the same attention in Italy, she said that in our papers she would have
been able to obtain better. Above all she insistently praised my
intelligence, my education, my courage, and on no account did she defend her
son, who, besides, was never around.
我排除了彼得罗真的需要出差离开佛罗伦萨的可能。我马上就发现——我带着愤怒和一丝鄙夷察觉到，他把解决我们危机的任务，交到了他母亲手里，他不知道躲在哪个角落里，去写那本没完没了的书。有一次，我忍不住对阿黛尔说：
I assumed that Pietro did not really have
work obligations outside of Florence. Rather, I was immediately convinced,
with rage and even a hint of contempt, that he had entrusted the resolution
of our crisis to his mother and was holed up somewhere to work on his
interminable book. Once, I couldn’t contain myself and I said to Adele:
“和你儿子一起生活，真是太难了。”
“It was really difficult to live with
your son.”
“和任何一个男人一起生活都很艰难。”
“There’s no man it’s not difficult to
live with.”
“相信我，跟他在一起尤其艰难。”
“With him, believe me, it’s been
especially difficult.”
“你觉得和尼诺在一起，情况会好一些吗？”
“You think it will go better with Nino?”
“是的。”
“Yes.”
“我已经打听过了，他名声不怎么好，米兰有很多关于他的传言。”
“I’ve asked around, the talk about him in
Milan is very nasty.”
“我不需要知道米兰的闲言碎语，我已经爱他爱了快二十年了，对于他，我比任何人都了解，我可以不用听那些闲话。”
“I don’t need the talk of Milan. I’ve
loved him for twenty years and you can spare me the gossip. I know more about
him than anyone else.”
“你怎么那么喜欢说你爱他呢。”
“How you like saying you love him.”
“我为什么不能说？”
“Why shouldn’t I like it?”
“你说得对，为什么不呢？我错了，恋爱的人都很盲目。”
“You’re right, why? I was wrong: it’s
pointless to open the eyes of someone in love.”
从那时候开始，我们就再也没提到过尼诺。我把两个孩子托付给她，自己跑到那不勒斯去，她连眼睛都不眨一下。我跟她解释说，从那不勒斯回来，我要去法国一个星期，她同样眼睛都不带眨一下。她只是有点儿话里带刺地问我：
From then on we stopped talking about
Nino. And when I left the girls with her to rush to Naples she didn’t bat an
eye. She didn’t bat an eye even when I told her that, when I returned from
Naples, I would have to go to France and would be there for a week. She asked
only, with a slightly ironic inflection:
“圣诞节你在吧？你会和两个孩子一起过吧？”
“Will you be here for Christmas? Will you be with the children?”
这个问题几乎让我有点儿生气，我回答说：
The question almost offended me, I
answered:
“当然了。”
“Of course.”
我收拾了行李，带了一些精致的内衣和高雅的裙子。尽管黛黛和艾尔莎很长时间都没有看到彼得罗了，但她们一直都没问起过她们的父亲。这时候，我说我要走了，她们的反应很糟糕。黛黛对我嚷嚷——显然不是她自己的话：“好吧，你走吧，你真的又丑又讨厌！”我看着阿黛尔，希望她能介入，能逗她们一下，带她们去玩，分散一下她们的注意力，但她什么也没有做。她们看着我走到门口，就哭了起来。先是艾尔莎，她叫喊着说：“我要和你一起去！”黛黛还在硬撑着，她对我表现得很漠然，也许是鄙视，但最后她也崩溃了，比妹妹还要绝望。她们都扯着我的衣服，想让我放下行李，我不得不把她们的手拉开，她们的哭声一路上都在我耳边回响。
I filled my suitcase mainly with elegant
underwear and stylish dresses. At the announcement of my new departure Dede
and Elsa, who never asked about their father, even though they hadn’t seen
him for a long time, were extremely upset. Dede went so far as to yell words
that were surely not hers: go, get out, you’re mean and hateful. I glanced at
Adele, hoping that she would try to get her to play, and distract her, but
she did nothing. When they saw me go to the door they began to cry. Elsa
started it, shrieking, I want to come with you. Dede resisted, she tried to
show me all her indifference, maybe even her scorn, but finally she gave in
and became even more desperate than her sister. I had to tear myself away
from them, they held on to my dress, they wanted me to leave the suitcase.
Their cries pursued me to the street.
去那不勒斯的旅途好像无穷无尽，快要进入城市时，我从车窗向外看，火车速度越来越慢，一点点滑向了城区，我越来越不安。我看到那不勒斯城郊的糟糕境况：铁轨两边的灰色房子、棚架、红绿灯的光、石头围栏。火车进站以后，我感觉和我息息相关的那不勒斯，我正在回归的那不勒斯，已经完全被尼诺取代了。我知道，他的处境比我还要糟糕，埃利奥诺拉已经把他从家里赶了出去，对于他来说，一切都成了暂时的。这几个星期，他住在一个大学同事家里，一个距离大教堂几步远的地方。我想，他要把我带到哪里？我们会做什么？尤其是，现在我们没有任何具体的想法，我们要做什么样的决定？我唯一感到明确的事情是：我的渴望火烧火燎，我迫不及待要见到他。我下了火车，担心会发生什么意外的事情，使他不能来站台上接我，但我看到他站在那里：那么高挑，在游客中非常显眼。
The trip to Naples seemed very long.
Nearing the city I looked out the window. As the train slowed down, sliding
into the urban space, I was seized by an anxious exhaustion. I noticed the
ugliness of the periphery, with the small gray apartment buildings beyond the
tracks; the pylons, the lights of the signals, the stone parapets. When the
train entered the station it seemed to me that the Naples I felt bound to,
the Naples I was returning to, was now summed up only in Nino. I knew that he
was in worse trouble than I was. Eleonora had thrown him out of the house;
for him, too, everything had become provisional. For several weeks he had
been staying at the house of a university colleague who lived near the Duomo.
Where would he take me, what would we do? And, above all, what decisions
would we make, since we hadn’t the least idea of a concrete solution to our
situation? The only thing clear to me was that I was burning with desire, I
couldn’t wait to see him. I got out of the train terrified that something had
kept him from coming to meet me. But he was there: tall as he was, he stood
out in the stream of travelers.
看到他之后，我平静下来了，他在梅格丽娜区一家小宾馆里开了房。我看到，他没有任何意图要把我藏在他朋友家里，这让我更放心了。当天晚上，我们紧紧挨着，在沿海路上散步，他的手臂搭在我肩膀上，时不时会低下头来吻我。我们为爱疯狂，时间过得飞快。我尽一切努力，想说服他和我一起去法国。他有些动心，但最后退缩了，借口说大学有很多工作。他从来都没有提到过埃利奥诺拉和阿尔伯特，就好像提到他们，就会破坏我们在一起的快乐。我跟他讲述了我两个女儿的绝望，我说，我们要尽快找到解决办法。我对于他的情绪的任何变化都很敏感，我感觉他有些焦虑。我已经无法回头了，但我很担心，他随时会说出这样的话：我受不了了，我要回家。到了吃晚饭的时候，他跟我说了他的心事。他忽然变得很严肃，他说，有一个很烦人的消息。
This reassured me, and I was even more
reassured to find that he had taken a room in a small hotel in Mergellina,
thus showing that he had no intention of hiding me in his friend’s house. We
were mad with love, the time flew. In the evening we walked along the sea
clinging to each other; he put an arm around my shoulders, and every so often
leaned over to kiss me. I tried in every way possible to persuade him to go
to France with me. He was tempted, then retreated, taking refuge behind his
work at the university. He never spoke of Eleonora or Albertino, as if the
mere mention of them could ruin the joy of our being together. I instead told
him about the girls’ desperation, I said we had to find a solution as quickly
as possible. I felt he was nervous; I was sensitive to the slightest tension,
I was afraid that at any moment he might say: I can’t do it, I’m going home.
But I was wide of the mark. When we went to dinner he revealed what the
problem was. He said, becoming suddenly serious, that there was some vexing
news.
“说来听听。”我小声说。
“Let’s hear it,” I whispered.
“今天早上，莉娜给我打了电话。”
“This morning Lina called me.”
“哦。”
“Ah.”
“她想见我们。”
“She wants to see us.”