换位思考：英文邮件写作复盘

关于写作英文信的三件事：一、更新问题清单；二、原版与修改版、Justin版对照；三、总结写信套路

第一件事：这次直播讲退款信的写法，我把自己的版本修改了一下，也更新了自己的Checklist（pictured）。

第二件事：三个版本

原版：

Subject: Complaint letter requesting a refund of $9

November 19, 2018

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a dedicated user of Uber. Yesterday afternoon, I took a shared ride with Uber in San Francisco. I called Daniel the driver in advance to confirm the ride and the estimated price ($6) since my iPhone app failed to record that my order was accepted. It was found later that the ride cost me $15 instead of $6.

I reckon this incident was a simple and excusable mistake and request a refund of $9. Please find attached my electronic receipt. My Uber account is [email protected].

Thanking You.

Yours truly,

Kate Wing

修改版：

Subject: Shared ride overcharge and refund request （标题修改，增添信息）

November 19, 2018

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to report an overcharge and request a refund(开门见山提出诉求).For your reference, my email address linked to Uber is [email protected].(给联系方式)

I am a dedicated user of Uber （信息多余）. Yesterday afternoon, I took a shared ride with Uber in San Francisco. Since no

order confirmation was shown on my iPhone app,(主要信息前置) I called Daniel the driver in advance to confirm the ride and the estimated price ($6) since my iPhone app failed to record that my order was accepted . It was found later that the ride cost me $15 instead of $6.

I reckon this incident was a simple and excusable mistake and request a refund of $9. Attached is the e-receipt. (简单的表达) Please find attached my electronic receipt. My Uber account is [email protected].

Looking forward to hearing from you. （提醒对方回信）Thanking You.

Yours truly,

Kate Wing

Justin’s version:

第三件事：写英文信的套路

Rule of thumb:

具体举措：

一、标题：

好的标题可以让收件人：1快速知晓相关性，点开邮件2对邮件内容有预判，快速回应

我的问题：信息量不足， complaint letter的表达多余（中式思维？）

对症下药：

标题应包含邮件的Keywords: shared ride,overcharge, refund request

二、称呼：

不知道对方身份，可以使用（注意标点！）：

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Sir or Madam,

Hello Uber support team,

Hello Uber customer service team,

三、第一段（总）：

陈述目的（与标题呼应）、交代个人联系方式。我的原版缺失这一段，不能省！(已列入问题清单)

四、主要内容（分）：

描述事件，交代细节，换位思考。注意措辞清晰、客观、简洁。我的原版重要信息未前置，已列入问题清单。

五、收尾段（总）；

重申诉求，信息要一目了然。

 六、 提醒与致谢

我的原版只有致谢，忘了提醒。

七、署名

标配：Yours,

           全名

总结：做完三件事后，以后读英文信件、自己写英文信件都可以及时的反馈，搜集好的表达，be mindful（你可长点儿心吧）。