After Seeing Fifty Degreeds Gray

 I have never thought of becoming a writter since I have given up writing any ideas for a long time once I start not to believe in any words.

 I doublt that words would take any power or make any changes to our lives.

 I stopped writing as like I stopped to think of things or lives or myselves in the old way, the observing way like I have done in my high school.

I found words are grey and life comes to be meanningless at that time.

Any good idea has the same destiney, that is, ends up in a dairy or any piece of paper and finally they are just lying in paper and never come to live any more.

It is said that great minds think alike. But I has ever been wondering what would those thoughts bring to my life, in such a meanlingless life where you have ways to change nothing, you have times to know anybody really, in a time when I desire to know a girl or woman so much, in order to find my meaning  to be in this worlds.

 I set myself a fire as a hope in life. I struggle in all spects of life, doing good or bad in my life against people who I don't know or I don't care to know but appear in my life.

 I struggle to work and make myself a good employee, which is set as my rule in daliy life since nothing more seems attracting me or is allowed to do in law.

 I found myself a small fire souranded by dark. I feel to wish for a place where I could see a big fire ,where I feel warm, at home. I need a group, I desire an origanization.

 I wish for groups where I feel myself tied to it, where I am delighted to know a person closely each time.

Is it because I do not want to be in a normal life, boudled with meaningliess relationship ? I hope for great minds or what am I wishing for ?

I hope for a place that people could understand me, support me, where we could work together to achieve a big thing.

Is it because I never feel confident ?