写作练习：翻译《玩具屋九讲》第五讲

原文：

…so they were the daughter of a washerwoman and a jailbird. Very nice company for other people's children! And they looked it. Why Mrs.Kelvey made them so conspicuous was hard to understand. The truth was they were dressed in 'bits' given to her by the people for whom she worked for. Lil, for instance, who was a stout, plain child, with big freckles, came to school in a dress made from a green art-serge table-cloth of the Burnells', with red plush sleeves from the Logans' curtains. Her hat, perched on top of her high forehead, was a grown-up woman's hat, once the property of Miss Lecky, the postmistress. It was turned up at the back and trimmed with a large scartlet quill. What a little guy she looked! It was impossible not to laugh. And her little sister, our Else, wore a long white dress, rahter like a nightgown, and a pair of little boy's boots. But whatever our Else wore she would hace looked stange. She was a tiny wishbone of a child, with cropped hair enormous solemn eyes---a little white owl. Nobody had ever seem her smile; she scarcely ever spoke. She went through life holding on to Lil, with a piece of Lil's skirt screwed up in her hand. Where Lil went , our Else followed. In the palyground, on the road going to and from school, there was Lil marching in front and our Else holding on behind. Only when she wanted anything, or when she was out of breath, our Else gave Lil a tug, a twitch, and Lil stooped and turned round. The Kelveys never failed to understand each other.

我的翻译

因此他们是洗衣工和牢狱犯的女儿。相对别人家的孩子而言，这样的父母很不错。并且，大家都看在眼里。Kelvey夫人为什么让她们如此显眼，很难理解。原因是，她给女儿们穿的衣服都是雇主家废弃的。譬如，Lil是个爱胖墩，脸上大块雀斑，朴实无华。他上学穿的裙子，绿裙边是Burnel家的抹布做的，红色长袖是Logan家的窗帘做的。她高高的前额上带着的红帽，是女邮政局长Lecky夫人用过的。背部的衣料是反着的，连着大大的，猩红色的领子。看上去她好小！总是让人忍俊不禁。她的妹妹呢，也就是我们的Else， 穿着长白色裙子，更像是穿着睡衣。脚上的靴子却是男鞋。无论我们的Else穿什么，她看起来总是很奇怪。
她有着瘦小的锁骨，短发，一双又大又呆的眼睛——像白色猫头鹰的眼。从来没有人看她微笑过，甚至，她几乎不说话。她从早到晚总是粘着Lil, 牵着Lil的裙子，在手里搓来搓去。不管Lil去哪，她都紧跟着。操场上，上学放学路上，Lil在前面带路，Else紧随其后。只有Else想要东西，或是呼吸不上来时，我们的Else 会故意扯一下Lil，Lil才会停下来，转过身。Kelvey夫妇从来都不懂她俩。

作者翻译

原来她们是一个洗衣妇和一个囚犯的女儿，可真是别家孩子的好伙伴呀！而她们看起来也确实是那么一回事。凯威尔太太为何把她们打扮得如此惹眼，实在让人不解。事实上，她们穿的烂拼凑的衣服，都是凯尔维太太工作地方的人们给的。先说丽儿——高大、不标致、满脸大雀斑的女孩——上学所穿的外衣，就是用伯内尔家的绿色斜条纹的桌布，以及罗根家红丝绒窗帘做的袖子，拼凑而成的。搁在她高高额头上的成年人的帽子，本来是女邮政局长莱基小姐的财产。帽子的后沿向上翻卷，还插着一根猩红色的大羽毛。好一个小大人！见了她，不可能不笑出来的。她的小妹妹——宝贝艾尔西——穿了一件长袍，简直像件睡衣，还穿了一双男孩的小长筒靴。但是，无论宝贝艾尔西穿什么，都让人感到奇怪。她是个子瘦小得像鸡胸骨的小孩，短发平铺在头上，有着严肃的大眼睛，活像一只白色的小猫头鹰。谁都没见她笑过，她也很少说话。她手里始终紧抓着丽儿的裙角，丽儿走到哪儿，宝贝艾尔西就跟到哪儿。在操场上，在上学或放学的路上，往往是丽儿在前面大步走，宝贝艾尔西则紧紧跟在后头，只有当她需要什么东西，或者走得喘不过气来的时候，宝贝艾尔西才用力拉一拉，急急扯一扯丽儿，丽儿就会马上停住，转过身来。凯尔维姐妹彼此了解，从不会误会。

自评

文采：

• 以反讽和对比手法描写
  Kelvey两姐妹的长相和衣着，前分后和，夹叙夹议，文采斐然。

• 一般很难形容帽子，要写得逼真并不容易（写帽子常常是最好的描写能力测验）。原文道：Her hat, perched on top of her high forehead, was a grown-up woman's hat, once the property of Miss Lecky, the postmistress. It was turned up at the back and trimmed with a large scartlet quill. 仅仅两句，跃然纸上。

逻辑：

• 描写工人阶级的女儿，为什么是高大（stout）? 为什么用“plain”、“big freckles”形容姐姐？

• "our Else "为什么译作“宝贝Else”？

翻译腔：

• “他们是一个洗衣服和一个囚犯的女儿。”==》两个“一个”纯属多余，去掉。该作：“他们是洗衣服和囚犯的女儿。”简洁易懂。