Why study Positive Psychology? 为什么要学习积极心理学？
1. Find the ‘fit’. Be an active participant, as opposed to passive recipient of a doctrine. Identify the thing that works for you.
这应该是适用于所有方式方法的。方式方法千千万，找到适合自己的，而不是被动全盘接受所有的方式方法。
2. (In one year research it shows that) 47% Harvard students experienced depression that they cannot function, cannot get through the day. The data for nation wide (the US) is 45%.
有一年的研究表明47%的哈佛学生受到抑郁症的困扰，而且达到无法正常生活的程度。同年全美数据是45%。
Tal穷尽了学术论文以后发现，研究抑郁，焦虑，神经症的论文和研究幸福快乐(happiness and well-being)的论文比例21：1。
3. Focusing on what works.
Being happy is not just the negation of unhappiness. It doesn’t mean just get rid of depression or anxiety that I am experiencing, I spontaneously become happy. That’s not the case. That’s not how it works. And finally, prevention which is very important today, the most effective way of preventing hardship, whether it’s depression, whether it’s anxiety, it’s actually by focusing on and cultivating the positive.
幸福不是说我摆脱了抑郁和焦虑我就马上幸福起来。最重要的也是最有效的预防抑郁和焦虑的方法是专注和培养积极心理。
4.研究人员研究了at risk population，比如城市里的贫民窟里的孩子的成长。开始他们研究为什么他们会在生活中fail，后来他们做了反向研究，研究为什么在这群人中有人成功，结论是他们有resilience（有人翻译为适应力，我觉得"韧性"更好 ）。
Resilience的定义：A class of phenomena characterized by patterns of positive adaptation in the context of significant adversity or risk. 也就是在重大的逆境下积极行事。
Resilience is associated with well-being. 韧性和一个人的心理健康息息相关。
他们拥有这些特质，而这些特质都是可以被习得的：
1）Faith, optimistic 有信念，但不是盲目乐观。
They believe in things would work out well.
他们相信事情最终会被完成或者解决。
“It may not work out this time but it will work out later and I have learned from what had just happened.”
“可能这次不行但是下次一定可以，我从这次的失败中学到了很多。”
2) Many of them are idealistic 他们中很多人是理想主义者。
To be idealistic is to be realistic. 做一个实际的理想主义者。
3) Experience a sense of ‘meaning’. 感到人生有意义。
4) Pro-social behavior, helping other people, shifting from helplessness to helpfulness 利他行为，帮助别人。
5) Focus on personal strength rather than primarily deficiencies. 关注个人的优势而不是缺陷。
They do not ignore their weaknesses, but they asked, “What am I good at? What am I really really good at?”
他们并非忽视自己的缺点，而是问自己，我擅长什么？
6) They set goals, they are future-oriented, not just thinking about how bad things are today perhaps but also think this is where I wanna be 5 years or 10 years from now.
他们设立目标，以未来为导向。他们不仅思考现在发生的坏事，也思考五年十年以后他们想达成什么目标。
7) They had a role model, gave them strength, gave them the sense of direction.
他们有一个偶像，这个偶像给予他们力量和方向感。
8) Most significantly, they did not bowl alone. They had social support.
最重要的是，他们不单打独斗，他们有社会支持。
“I am tough enough to reach out for help.” “我足够坚强，可以寻求帮助。”
The strength to admit weakness, the strength to admit need. 他们有承认弱点的力量，有承认需要帮助的力量。
Identify the right people, people who, when you reach out to them, will reach out back to you and will be able to give back.
社会支持不是说每天要和100个人社交。三五知己，亲密的家人，都可以是社会支持。识别对的人很重要，当你向他们寻求帮助的时候，他们会接纳你的求助并给予帮助。
5. The consequence of the ability to focus is not always helpful.
集中注意力的能力带来的结果不总是有帮助的。
Tal给学生们做了一个实验。他给大家看一张PPT，上面有很多几何图形。30秒的时间，大家需要识别这张PPT上一共有几个几何图形。30秒后，Tal问大家：PPT上的时钟指向几点？最左边的几何图形里主要的颜色是哪个颜色？巴士上有几个小孩？很少有人能全部答对，因为大家都专注在数几何图形的数量。
What question is mostly asked by couples beyond the honeymoon phase?
“What’s wrong?" "What’s not working?" "How can we improve the relationship?"
在蜜月期过后，夫妻最常问的问题是什么？哪儿出了问题？什么不对？我们怎么改善关系？
If that’s the only question that we ask, then that’s the only thing we will see.
如果这是我们提出的唯一问题，这也就是我们能看到的唯一事情。
The only thing that we see is our deficiencies, that things are not working, the things that need to be improved, the weakness of my partner, of the relationship.
我们唯一看到的是缺陷，是出了问题的地方，是需要改善的地方，是伴侣的缺点，是关系的问题。
Individually: What are my weaknesses? What do I need to improve? Excluded “What are my strength? What are my virtues? What am I good at?”
从个人来看，如果一直问：我的缺点是什么？我怎么改进？就排除了”我的优势在哪里？”这样的问题。
Question creates reality. The question that we ask very often determine the quest that we will pursue, the path that we will take, the life that we will lead.
问题创造现实。我们提出的问题常常决定了我们要探索和追求的目标，我们选择走的路和我们的人生。
To appreciate what is working, individually, inter-personally, organizationally.
我们应该更关注什么起作用，无论是个人，人际间，还是在公司组织里。
It is important to appreciate what is good.
关注好的事物是很重要的。
Appreciate – two meanings 这个词有两个意思
1) Say thank you to something, not to take it for granted 表示感激，而不是认为理所应当。
2) To grow – when we appreciate the good, the good appreciates,the good grows 成长 ——当我们appreciate好的事物，好的事物就会appreciate，也就是成长/增长。
We see what we look for and we miss much of what we are not looking for even though it is there.
我们只看到我们去寻找的东西而错失了我们没有寻找的东西，即使它们就在我们眼前。
Our experience of the world is heavily influenced by where we place our attention.
我们对世界的体验很大程度上受到我们关注点的影响。
6. Marva Collins – 她是Tal的偶像，也是Tal致力于成为老师的原因之一。他极力推荐她的书。
Stop blaming others, take responsibility for your life.
She is not a push-over, she is tough and demanding. She respects them (the students) and believes in them.
We need to stop asking whether or not a student is smart. What we need to ask is what is the student smart at. And when we identify what the student is smart at, strong at, then we appreciate it.
Essentially, what Marva Collins does is create for students, the paradigm essentially is from being a in active passive victim, changes their perspective to be an active agent.
这段太长了，无力逐字翻译。核心思想就是，要从一个被动受害者的心态转变为主动的参与者。
Tal举了一个例子（翻不动了，大家自己读一读吧）：
My girlfriend left me.
Passive victim:
If I am a passive victim, my experience is self-pity. Feel sorry for myself. Ruminate about the situation and how terrible it is. From a passive victim, I then move to blame: she’s terrible, it’s her fault, I blame her. I blame my parents, the way they raise me; I blame her parents, and whomever.
And after I blame, I experience frustration as well as anger. Anger toward her, toward my parents, her parents, whoever it is, I feel anger.
And the results? Very few results because I wallow in illumination and self-pity.
Active agent:
First of all, by definition, I take action. I take responsibility. I go out to places after experiencing the pain and it’s painful. I go out there where I can meet someone, I go to Pizza place.
Taking actions will increase our level of confidence. And then more hope and optimism is a result. Hope and optimism become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Being an active agent doesn’t mean not giving ourselves the time and space, the permission to experience the painful emotions, to go through the emotion. Yes, by all means, we go through it. (最终我们一定会摆脱它) However, what it is also saying is that we need to find the right time to take action, to take responsibility, to do things so that our confidence levels in our hope and optimism increase.
Understanding that you have to take responsibility for your life is recognizing, understanding that no one is coming. No one is coming, no the knight in shining armour who will take you to the happily ever after land.No one is coming to make the life better for you. No one is coming. You are responsible for your life, for your self-confidence, for your self-esteem, for your happiness. No one is coming. It’s up to you to make the most out of this experience.
没有人会来拯救你，没有穿着盔甲的骑士把你带到“从此以后王子和公主过着幸福快乐的生活”之地。没有人能把你的生活变得更好。你为自己的人生负责，为你的自信负责，为你的自尊负责，为你的幸福负责。能否过好这一生完全取决于你自己。
17/7/2018