2018-1-29 The Importance of Saying No

Q&A

1. Why saying no is important? Have you

had a hard time of turning down someone’s

request( for example, you wanted to say no, but what came out of your mouth was yes, and next day you kicked yourself for saying yes) ? Please include a personal story.

If we say yes to everything, we stand for  nothing and we may value nothing. in the  shortterm saying yes makes to everything makes us feel better about ourselves, but in the long term it will make us feel rudderless ,directionless and meaningless about our life.

Once one of my colleagues asked me to do her a favor to have several classes for her because of she met something urgent. I was really busy then and had no time to  take care of her things .However I said yes. Because I was afraid she would be  disappointed with me and our friendship  would be affected. I felt exhausted and  overwhelmed those days .And to some  point, I hated myself by doing something I really didn’t want to do

2. Why Saint Petersburg was one of the Mark’s favorite trips?

Because the Russian culture appreciates  bluntness. At first the author didn’t feel  comfortable about their frankness, but then he experienced a particular freedom: the ability to say whatever he thought or felt, without fear of repercussion.

3. Why commitment gives you freedom?

Because commitment makes people no  longer distracted by unimportant an  frivolous and hones people’s attention and focus, directing then toward what is most efficient at making you healthy and happy. It removes fear of missing out and makes decisionmaking easier and allows you focus intently on a few highly important goals and achieve a greater degree of success.

4. How to build trust?

Trust is based on conflict. The pain of conflict in our relationship is necessary to cement our trust in each other and produce greater intimacy.

New words and expressions:

1. There is a bluntness to Russian culture that generally rubs Westerners the wrong way.

rub sb the wrong way/rub sb up the wrong way: to annoy someone by the things you say or do, usually without intending to 〔一般指无意地〕惹恼某人，触怒某人

eg: The way she smiles all the time really rubs me the wrong way

2. Traver is a fantastic self-development tool, because it extricates you from your culture and shows you…

extricate: v,to escape from a difficult or embarrassing situation, or to help someone escape ; to remove someone from a place in which they are trapped 使摆脱，使脱离,解救，救出

extricate yourself/sb from sth

eg: How was he going to extricate himself from this dilemma?

3.I am rejecting trashing my friends behind their backs.(熟词生义)

trash: to criticize someone or something very severely especially严厉批评，抨击

eg:That actor became furious when hearing some directors trashing his new movie.

4:the trust-breaker admits the true values that caused  the breach and owns up to them..

owns up: v. admit or acknowledge a wrongdoing or error坦白，承认

eg: People will respect you more if you own up to your problem。

My thoughts:

The desire to avoid rejection at all costs, to avoid confrontation and conflict, the desire to attempt to accept everything equally and to make everything cohere and harmonize, is a deep and subtle form of entitlement.

Rejection is an important and crucial life skill.

都说学会拒绝是一门艺术，但是拒绝真的很难，尤其是在亲人和朋友之间。很赞同作者的观点，逃避拒绝 is a kind of entitlement.反思自己的生活，发现自己就是一个不会拒绝的人，只要别人提出帮忙，不管自己有没有时间自己有多累总是满口答应，结果总是把自己的生活搞得乱七八糟。有种自虐的感觉，有时候会自问，何必呢，何必要活的这么累，活的这么假？甚至还自我安慰的说与人方便自己方便。其实就是胆小，就是害怕。害怕别人对我不满，害怕危害到自己所谓的人际关系，所以委曲求全的用自己所谓的kindness来维系这种关系，失去了自我。说白了就是傻！也许从某些方面讲还是因为自己不够强大，不够自信吧！